His eyes stayed wide, and he tried to move back, so I swatted his chest. I ran my hands upward and took the clothing with me. I touched his shoulder, where his scars began and the shirt fell off them. It took a tug near the cuffs, then he was no longer wearing it. It pooled at his feet. I applied pressure to his shoulder until he dropped onto the edge of the bed. Now with him sitting, I could see the rough edges of his scars. Dorian avoided my gaze, and I clasped his jaw, forcing him to look at me. I knew what he felt about them—the shame.
There was a certain stiffness in him, as if he were waiting for my criticism. I leaned down and kissed the little mole under his eye. His lips parted, and he dragged in a jagged breath.
I kicked off my slippers and knelt on the bed behind him. My chest refused to expand, and my eyes flooded with tears. The pain he must have felt.
Burns ran along the entirety of his back, the uneven puckered flesh broken apart by slashes. A deep line ran from the back of his neck and curved down the shoulder blade all the way below his rib like a cleaver had been taken to him. I blinked, and tears dripped. No, I couldn’t get all emotional.
He always seemed to roll his left shoulder like it was bothering him, and now I knew why. It looked like his arm had been hacked off his body and sewn back in place. I touched a long burn slashing across his lower back. There were other scattered lines that looked like different items had been used to hurt him.
“Was this a poker?” I whispered, touching it gently.
Dorian cleared his throat. “Yes, a hot poker.” I moved my fingers upward.
I reached higher and higher until I managed to get to the shoulder blade. “And the biggest scar?”
“A saw.”
I clenched my teeth so tightly my jaw popped. Leaning down, I pressed a kiss to his shoulder. He jerked like I hit him. The thickness in my throat swelled.
“It hurts when it’s cold?” I asked even though I knew the answer.
“Yes,” he murmured gruffly.
I placed my hands on his shoulders and gently rolled my thumb into his muscle. The hard muscle gave under my fingers, and he groaned, leaning into my touch. I continued massaging his shoulder, taking my time. Dorian’s head fell forward, and his exhale sounded relieved.
Turning my head, I rubbed my damp eyes against my shoulder.
Chapter 36
She was the sweetest angel. My chest felt like it was exploding, and it magnified my guilt to a crippling point. She was given to vile, fucked creatures like us, but we would never let her go. Eva was still massaging Dorian’s shoulder. She had him sprawled across the bed while she hovered over him while he full on snored.
Eva slowly retreated from the bed, and tiptoed backwards. It wasn’t until then that she found me leaning near the door watching her. She jumped but stifled her shout.
I jerked my chin toward the hall. She shuffled over to me, and I left the door cracked. Eva made a beeline for the living room with me on her heels.
Dorian seemed to have made progress. It was his sheer will that kept him away from her, and it was what I struggled with. I yearned for her touch. For her to look at me.
Yearned.
Fuck, I’d turned into such a sap.
Old me would have cackled at the current me. But I didn’t give any fucks which was the strangest part of everything. This . . . love . . . shit felt so foreign and crippling.
Rafe sat on the couch, watching a football game. She slowed, and I could tell she was debating her next move. Rafe’s emotions spilled over to me. Hope mixed with fear and excitement. Outwardly though, he remained nonchalant. It didn’t take her long to sit on the couch, and the fact that she chose the middle cushion instead of the furthest made happiness explode out of Rafe. I splayed on the other end of the couch and tossed my arm over the shoulder.
Rafe gave me a look, and I curled my fingers into a fist before I slid my hand into her hair like I wanted to. I huffed and sank into my corner. Touching her felt like a necessity at this point, but I’d settle for breathing in her caramel scent. My cock was already fucking stiff with everything having to do with her.
Eva shifted and smoothed her small hands on her stretchy pants that hugged her beautiful legs. Rafe adjusted when she moved, his torso slightly turning more toward her.
I’d shifted in place too. Her effect on us was mind-boggling.
“Erm.” She cleared her throat. She wanted to ask something.
“Stop beating around the bush,” I murmured. She shot me a look from the corner of her eye, and I couldn’t stop my grin.
“So Susanna lived here?”
I stiffened at that name. Disgust swelled. We’d let ourselves be led by that fucking bitch. She’d always been there for us to come and fuck. And when she didn’t want us, we were allowed to fuck other women. She’d always been mercurial, but it had been something we’d been used to, something accepted. I should have known she was never for us. The signs were always there. Even when her letter arrived, we’d tossed it in the trash.
