“You can always use mine.”
She eyes me for a second and then nods.
“Actually, you’re right,” I tell her. “You do need your own. I was about your age when I got my first acoustic.”
Her eyes brighten.
“Really?”
I nod, despite my stomach clenching. Although this feeling is different. It’s not dread, or panic. It’s recognition. This isn’t random curiosity. Lily is asking to connect with the part of me I’ve hidden. I need to embrace this part of her. This part of myself.
“Sure. Let’s go to Rattlesnake Guitars.”
Now my stomach tightens, but for a different reason–Darian. I’ve been so focused on shutting him out today, on being present for Lily, and now I’m voluntarily walking into his building. But Lily’s face lights up with excitement, and I can’t take it back without explaining why.
Twenty minutes later, we push through the heavy glass door of Benny’s shop. The smell of wood polish and guitar strings hits me immediately, bringing back memories I’ve worked hard to bury. Benny looks up from the counter where he’s restringing an acoustic, his silver hair catching the afternoon light.
“Rye Hayes,” he says, setting down his tools. “Haven’t seen you in here for years. Thank you for getting her in here.” Benny winks at Lily. I eye them both, wondering if this was some sort of trap.
Benny crouches down, making himself shorter than Lily. He looks at me, with an evil little smirk playing on his lips. “Did you know, your mama used to play around town back in the day. Beautiful voice.” He winks at me. “What brings you ladies in today?”
“Someone,” I say as I run my hand down Lily’s hair. “Would like to buy her first guitar.”
“You know I have the rental program, Rye.”
I nod, appreciative that he’s trying to save me money. “I know, but I think Lily’s ready. She’s a star in the making.”
“That she is,” Benny says as he directs Lily–not me–toward the wall of acoustics.
“Come on over here and let’s see what feels right,” Benny tells Lily.
He stops in front of a wall lined with smaller guitars. “Now, these are all junior acoustics. See how they’re not as big as the full-size ones? That’s so your arms don’t have to stretch too far. This is what you’ve been learning on.” He points to different models. Lily nods, studying each guitar seriously.
“Body size matters too,” Benny continues, tapping the curved wood. “Smaller body means it won’t feel like you’re wrestling with the thing. And the neck width - see how some are a little thicker than others? Depends on your hand size.”
“Can I touch one?” Lily asks.
“That’s the whole point,” Benny grins. “You can’t buy a guitar without getting to know it first.”
“Can I try one?” she asks finally.
“That’s what they’re here for.”
Benny lifts down a Taylor Baby acoustic, the wood warm and honey-colored under the shop lights. He shows Lily how to hold it, how to position her hands, how to support the neck without gripping too tightly.
Lily takes her choice over to the stool and sits down. I don't know what I was expecting, but what I heard wasn’t it. Her fingers aren’t clumsy or fumbling for position. They’re poised, perfect, and the sound is fairly smooth for someone who’s learning.
“Try this one,” Benny suggests, adjusting her fingering. “D major. Nice and simple. We aren’t quiet there in our lessons but we’re getting there.”
Lily strums again. The sound is clean. She grins up at me, excitement radiating from every part of her and continues to play what Benny’s taught her.
Benny catches my eye over Lily’s head and nods slightly.This one’s got it.
“What do you think?” I ask Lily after twenty minutes of exploration. “Is this the one or do you want to try more?”
“Not to cut a sale short, Rye. In my professional opinion, I think you should rent. Lily will need to upgrade in months, not years, at the rate she’s learning. Heck, I’ve thought about changing my course plan just to accommodate her. She’s a natural.”
My heart warms and also breaks. It’s times like these when I want to use whatever connections I have to go backstage at one of Jason’s concerts and beat him senseless for leaving Lily. I don’t care about me, but she’s a different story.
