I turn and face Rygar.My heart is screaming a denial, but I can’t get past the fear for my parents, for my friends, that clogs my throat.“I can’t do this.I can’t go with you.”
“I don’t understand.”
I’m losing control, my mind spiraling into darker and more terrifying places with every thought, every ‘what if’ racing through my head.I don’t know how to stop myself.“How am I supposed to handle this?You’re from another planet.You crashed here.You’re not supposed to be here.You’re being hunted by Dracos and cryptids and Dark Fleet agents who tried to kill us.They threatened to lock my parents in prison.They’ve shot at us, tried to run the limo off the road, almost killed my dad.”I’m shaking my head as tears scald the skin on my cheeks.Fingers stiff, I wipe them away with barely suppressed hysteria.“I don’t know where Emily and Hannah are.They could be locked up or dead already, especially if they are with your men.I can’t be this selfish.I won’t be.If being with you puts everyone I love in danger, I don’t see a way for us to be together.You have to go home and fight your war, and I can’t leave them.I won’t.”
“I see.”He reaches for my hand and I allow the contact.He stares at me for long seconds, and I feel him closing himself off, locking down his emotions.I wish I could do the same, but I can’t.I feel like I’m being torn in half.Every beat of my heart is an ache I have no defense against.Rygar lifts one hand and traces the line of tears covering my cheek.“As soon as my ship finishes its repairs, and my comrades return, we will head back to the Pleiadean system.We will lure the Draco prince away from Earth.You will be safe, Madison.I promise.”
Am I insane?I don’t know.I am not capable of rational thought at the moment.My family is here.My friends are here.My work is here.He wants me to give up my whole life to travel across the galaxy.I might enjoy myself for a week or two.But what happens when he’s off fighting his war?Am I just supposed to sit at home, missing everyone I love, and twiddle my thumbs waiting to find out if he’s been killed in battle?“I’m sorry, Rygar.I won’t put everyone I care about in danger.I can’t be married to a soldier.I lived that life when my dad served.It’s not a life I ever wanted.”
“Sweetie,” Dad sighs.
“I’m sorry.”I pull my hand from his and take a step back, my heart breaking.
“Madison, I’m a soldier.My life is not my own.My people need me to continue fighting.We’re one of the best teams in the fleet.”Rygar is not pleading with me, he is stating facts.
“It’s true.This team is critical to command strategy in our sector.”Tears line my lashes at BILL’s confirmation.I can’t do it.No matter that I think we found something special.I can’t sacrifice everything when I’m not even sure he loves me.
I close my eyes and try to feel him through our bond.It’s gone.I’m alone in my head.Was my pain too much for him?In trying to protect my family I hurt the only man I’ve ever really loved.But does he love me?The real me?Is anything about our relationship real?How can I love someone I’ve only known two days?How can he love me?Nicholas claimed to love me, and it was nothing but lies.Maybe the ‘astral bond’ is nothing more than lust pheromones and fairy tales.
Backing away from him and his outstretched hand, a thousand invisible daggers shred my insides.“I can’t.I’m sorry, but I can’t go with you.Be careful on your journey back to your star system.”
Swiveling on my heel, I retrace my steps and race out of the ship.My mom and dad are telling me to stop.I can’t.I need fresh air.I need to breathe.
My feet hit the ground and I do something I never thought I would do voluntarily, I run.I race back the way we came, regret and pain increasing my pace.I never should have met him.Never should have kissed him.Never should have fallen head-over-heels in love with a complete stranger who can’t stay.
“Madison!”Rygar bellows.The agonized sound haunts me as I top the ridge, Rygar and his ship disappearing from view.
Eighteen
B.I.L.L.: As the humans like to say, FAFO: Fuck Around, Find Out.
Stargazer Village, Thursday 9:00 am
It’s been three horrible,lonely, terrible days.I haven’t seen, nor heard from my Rygar since I ran away like a coward.
What the hell was I thinking?
I arrange a tray of cookies and make my way outside to our display table.“Hi, Julia.Good morning.Great job with the decorations.”
Julia smiles at the compliment.“Thanks.I thought you’d like it.I found the little flying saucers online at a party store.Aren’t they perfect?”
I inspect the streamers made of a connected line of little silver flying saucers the size of small plates.They’re cute, on theme, and sparkle when the sunlight hits them.“They’re perfect.I love them.”
She grins happily and goes back inside for more cookies.I stare at one of the paper spaceships for a moment and wipe away a tear.I miss Rygar.I wasn’t thinking.I was panicking.I’ve hated myself every moment since.Guess being shot at shook me up a bit more than I realized.
I hiked back to Rygar’s ship last night, or at least to where it should have been.It was gone, the field empty.I walked around like an idiot, swinging my hands through the air for two hours trying to find his invisible ship.I screamed his name.I yelled at BILL inside my head.
Nothing.No response.He’s gone.I told him to leave without me and he did.This is my fault.
Spending the last three days baking cookies gave me a lot of time to think.I let him down.I failed him.I was afraid and made a stupid, irrational decision.Leaving is probably the one thing I could do to makesuremy parents are safe.If I’m not here, if Rygar’s not here, there’s no one to chase, no ship to find, no one to interrogate.Those stupidmen in blackwould have nothing to go on.Nothing.
I’m in love with an alien.I’ve only known him a few days.I know it doesn’t make sense and I don’t care.I don’t care about a white picket fence and a labrador retriever.Not anymore.I just want my mate.
After the festival, when I know Emily and Hannah can survive, I’ll look for a replacement to take my place in the bakery and try to find him.He said they have allies on Earth, the Earth Alliance, he called them.I know my dad will help me find them.He still has military contacts.Maybe I can get a message to outer space, to the Pleiadean star system… to my husband.Tell him I’m sorry.Tell him I’m ready to go with him.
Tell him I love him.
“Hi, Madison!”
