“We have advanced medical technology and do not age as your people do.Once you are on the ship, I will make sure you are taken care of as well.”Not only am I married, but I’m going to live… how long exactly?I ask.
“Our average lifespan is around three hundred years.”
“How long has this war been going on again?”
“Thousands of years.”
“And Earth isnotpart of your Federation?Or the war?”
“The Galactic Federation of Worlds was formed by an alliance made between hundreds of star systems.Earth was too primitive to join our ranks.Our scientists have been monitoring your planet for as long as we can remember, assisting when able, waiting for your people to be ready.”
I swallow past the lump in my throat.I have a naked, very sexy alien standing in the kitchen telling me Earth is caught in the crosshairs of a war too terrible to imagine, a war where the bad guys destroy entire planets.With people on them.Lots of people.They kill them all like it’s nothing.It’s like the scene inStar Warswhen Darth Vader blows up Princess Leah’s planet.Just poof.Gone.Dead.
What if that happens to Earth?“So, if we aren’t part of the war, and we’re so primitive, what are all you aliens doing here?”
“Our elders realized Earth’s fate will affect all of our worlds.We are all connected.Losing humanity to the Dark Fleet will have ripple effects in other systems and give our enemies great power.The Federation banded together to fight the Archon AI and their Draco-Reptilian allies a long time ago.Earth is not the only battleground.They have infiltrated other worlds.Some of those worlds have been lost forever.”
“So, if Earth has been infiltrated, and is being run by bad guys, how do we have a good guys’ alliance?”I should call my dad.He would be eating this up with a bucket sized spoon and demanding seconds.
“In terms of galactic history, the Earth Alliance is very new.”
“But they’re the good guys?”
“They are working with my people to free humanity.Some of our leaders would say good or bad is a matter of perspective.The Dark Fleet has allies among humanity as well.”
“So, we have a Dark Fleet?And an Alliance?Your telling me Earth has spaceships?”Oh, boy, my dad isreallygoing to love this guy.Everything Rygar is saying, I’ve heard before, at the dinner table over the last few years.
“Of course.Their military arm is called Solar Warden.The Earth Alliance has evolved to become a powerful ally in the war for your planet.”
“And you’re a commander?With your own spaceship?”
“Yes.”
“But not part of the Earth Alliance.You’re from another planet?”I can’t stop hoping he confesses that he was all dressed up when I met him in the bar because he had just come from a nerd convention.That way we can move on to the serious conversations, the things one usually discusses before getting married, like do you want kids?Where do you live?Where do you work?You know, the little things.
“I’m a Pleiadean from the Pleiades star system.My home world is Erra.The Draco destroyed my ancestral planet in the Sterope star system during the Orion Wars.”
I rub my forehead and start a second cup of coffee.“So, Earth is not where you normally fight?That’s what you said.Right?So how did you get here?”
“My crew and I were fighting a fleet of Draco starships when we were hit.Our only option for escape was to fly through a nearby jumpgate even though we did not know where we would emerge.We exited the jumpgate near your moon.However, we could not risk approaching the moon bases without breaking about a dozen treaties?—”
“Moon bases?”This is getting juicy.“Good guys or bad guys up there?”
“Both.Since we could not risk landing on your moon, we were forced to attempt a landing on the surface.”
“You crashed?”
“Yes.Our ship is hidden until BILL can complete repairs.”
“Where?”
“In the forest.A thirty-minute walk from theBucking Bronco.”
Why do I believe him?He crash-landed in an alien spaceship and decided to what?Grab his alien buddies, none of whom appeared to be hurt in this supposed crash, and come have a beer at a cowboy bar in their bizarre space outfits?
The entire story is completely ridiculous.
I did not marry an alien.I married a man with a not-so-funny sense of humor.
