“It doesn’t matter.” Mal shoved one foot, then the other, into his boots. “I know you two want her to stay. You want to claim her.”
I opened my mouth to make sure Mal knew exactly how much I wanted that to happen. But he raised his hand to stop me.
“I know you want her. She’s intelligent, fearless, beautiful, passionate—”
“Why do I hear a but coming?” Kayson tucked his ion blaster into its holster and stared at Mal. We were both staring at him, waiting for him to explain himself.
“But…she’s not an Interstellar Bride. We have no legal claim on her, no leverage and no rights.” Mal reached for his own blaster and secured it to his uniform. “Has she said one word, one single word to either one of you, indicating she wants to stay on Viken at all? Or be with us long term? Has she slipped into our beds these past nights?”
No. The answer was no, to all of it. She hadn’t said a single word to make me think she wanted to stay on Viken. There had been four nights when she could have asked one, or all of us, to sleep next to her, or hold her, or fuck her. Instead, she’d disappeared into her room and closed the door, locking us out.
Mal’s words were harsh, but true. Perhaps she didn’t want us at all. Was she counting down the moment until she would return to Earth and get her promotion? And although she’d let me take her body, fill her and take pleasure from her, she had not once taken us together. Not two of us, and definitely not all three. Perhaps she had no desire to do so. Ever.
Or perhaps we just needed to ask.
* * *
Smith
The hot watercascaded down my body, washing the tears from my eyes. The warmth was comforting, like a hug; the heat seeping into my skin and easing tense muscles. I could smell the shampoo I had used earlier and feel my wet hair clinging to my back. I could smell Mal in the steam rising up from the shower as the water washed him away. The droplets on my face washing away the small bit of blush I’d applied before tracking Mal down. I’d wanted to look good. Healthy. Strong.
Not the broken-hearted creature I felt like inside.
The pitter-patter of the water against the tiled walls kept me company. I could hear the guys talking, but I didn’t try to make out the words. I was afraid to know. For the first time in years, I had let myself be vulnerable.
And now it was over. We were about to flush out the big bad guy, the head of the serpent. Take the VSS out once and for all.
It was a huge success. A boon for my career.
So why was I so miserable?
I stood there, letting the hot water wash over me, trying to clear my mind. I had just had a breakthrough with Mal. Kayson and Geros were keepers as well. All three of them were protective and sexy and each one of them so perfect for me.
I washed the last of Mal from my body and nearly started crying again.
Instead, I closed my eyes and reminded myself that I was a federal agent. I was sent here to do a job, and I was determined to see it through. I had to focus on that, not on my feelings or what-ifs. Once those two adorable little girls were safe, I’d deal with my personal problems. Work first.
Put it away, Carmen. Focus, or you’ll get yourself killed.
I slowly opened my eyes and tried to push away the storm of emotion rolling around inside me, knocking me off balance. I had to focus on the moment. One thing at a time. That was how I kept going. One step at a time. One hour at a time. One day at a time. One problem at a time.
Now’s problem was the VSS and only the VSS.
I stepped out of the shower, my legs trembling as I thought about the three males waiting for me to walk out of this room. Kayson with his wicked tongue, his soft lips and his gentleness when I needed someone to hold me. Geros with his solid strength, his total loyalty and commitment to family. The way he’d felt filling my ass, hands on my hips wrapping his fingers around me like he never wanted to let go. The tender kiss he’d given me after.
And Mal. Silent, stubborn Mal. Always giving others what they needed and taking nothing for himself. He’d pushed me out of a sexual box that I would never be able to fit into again. He’d pushed me and I’d pushed back. Today. I’d broken down one of his walls, just as he’d broken down mine.
I froze for a moment consumed by the memory of his body on top of me as he filled me from behind. The way his heat had closed in around me. The sting of his hand on my bottom as I’d pushed him for more and more and more.
I took one lazy step and the coldness of the smooth floor was a shock after the warmth of the cascading water. I shivered as I made my way to the sink. Wrapping myself in a fresh towel, I looked at my reflection in the mirror and didn’t recognize the woman staring back at me.
She looked exactly the same as the woman who’d arrived on this planet. Same face. Same hair. Same eyes. But inside, behind those eyes, everything was different.
I had so many questions and not enough answers. I felt like I was chasing ghosts, and the more I tried to understand my guys, the farther away they seemed to be.
15
Mal
