"What if you don't have to?"
"In what universe?”
“This one.”
I loosened my hold, my gut clenching at the distant look in her gaze, a mental barrier she put between us. She shuddered, her gaze distant. She was shutting down. Shutting me out. Like she'd done with everyone in her life? I’d listened to her conversation with Mal. She never kept a lover for long. She hasn’t said anything about her family. Did she have a family? Was she alone in the universe?
There had been sadness in her statements. Disappointment and hurt buried so deeply I doubted she was aware of how much it consumed her. Anger rolled through me.
She would never feel like this again, if she were mine. Which she was not.
Right now, she needed someone to hold her. She needed to cry. Perhaps she needed to scream and beat my chest until she had no strength left in her arms.
I had no idea what she was thinking or feeling or needing. But I wanted to know. I wanted to know everything about her, inside and out. Her heart. Her dreams. Her past. And I would learn nothing until I broke through the barrier she had around her heart.
I wanted to be her safe place.
I pulled her closer, needing to feel her softness against my hardness. Needing to feel her heart beating against my chest. Needing to know she was safe.
"I won't hurt you," I whispered into her hair. "I swear it."
She shook her head but didn't push me away. I wasn't going anywhere. She wouldn't be alone anymore. At least not when she was with me.
"I won't leave you in pain. A male's place is to protect and provide for his female."
Her voice was shaky. "You're not my male."
I held her tighter and a thought came to me unbidden.
I want to be.
I stumbled over the idea and realized it was true.
I wasn’t a twenty-year-old fool any longer. I would be careful with Smith. Find a way to give her what she needed. Seduce her. Convince her to stay. To be with us. Our mate.
She stilled, then settled against my chest, melting against me. Trusting. Allowing me to shelter her. It was a start.
I lifted her in my arms, carried her to bed. I pulled the blanket up to cover us and folded myself around her like a shield.
She had come to Viken for one reason, to track down and expose the leader of the VSS. When we’d left the palace, that was all that mattered.
That was not all that mattered to me, not anymore.
9
Smith, Club Trinity
I can do this.I can.
Go back to that room, Mal’sspecialroom, where I’d begged Geros to fuck me harder, moaned with pleasure as Mal flogged me, and turned into a wild animal. The pain shot through me like raw energy, an aphrodisiac that made me insatiable. Crazed with need.
That had to be what happened. I’d lost control and lost sight of the mission objective. Not that I would admit that to the two males walking with me today. This time it was Kayson who accompanied us. Geros had insisted, practically jerked the weapons and gear from Kayson’s hands.
As if he could not bear to be locked in that room with me again.
Noted. Won’t ask. Hurt like hell, but I wasn’t about to talk about that, either. Or about the way Kayson had melted my heart into a puddle last night. An oozy, bleeding raw messy puddle. I didn’t give my heart away. Not for a long time. I rarely allowed anyone to see any vulnerability, let alone cry and cry and snuggle under the covers for hours with a complete stranger. Sure, he was tall, sexy, had rock hard muscles and a smile to die for. But still.
What. The. Hell. Was. Wrong. With. Me?
