“Of course,” he says, his smile faltering. “What other room? You must have faced trauma while Alek had you. I know how much your room brings you comfort. Let me keep you safe again. Besides, Alek will try to come for you once more. I’m sure of it. If you’re hidden in your room, he can’t get to you.”
“But he did get to me. Through the housekeeper he sent.”
“She’s long gone now. Disappeared. Which is smart because I would have killed her if I had found her. But I haven’t hired any new housekeepers this time. No one can get to you.” He cups my cheek – a gesture so similar to Alek and yet, it doesn’t feel as comforting as it should. “I promise.”
A promise to keep me locked away forever.
“What if I don’t want to go back to my room?”
“You don’t? But… you always want to go back to your room. It’s your safe space. It’s the only thing that has helped you all your life. Why wouldn’t you want to go back?”
“I just… I don’t know how to explain it.”
Dimitri frowns. It’s a look I’ve always hated. “You don’t know how to explain it? I am keeping you safe, Katya. Do you want to stay in another room? It doesn’t have to be your old room. I am not going to lock you away in there.”
“But you are. If Alek comes for me, you are going to lock me away in my old room so he can’t get to me.”
“We’ll come to that if we need to. Until then, you can stay in another room. I just thought… I just assumed that you would want to be in your old room. It’s always brought you comfort.”
I can see the sadness on Dimitri’s face and I don’t want to do anything to disturb that so I make a decision: to return to my old room. Just to keep the peace.
“Ok,” I whisper. “I’ll go back in.”
Dimitri nods once like everything is settled. We walk back to my room and I stand on the threshold, uncertain about this. All the pink and stuffed animals. Signs of a little girl. Not the woman I have become.
But I step inside and Dimitri shuts the door behind me. In his mind, he’s keeping me safe.
In my opinion, he’s hiding me away again.
I pace around my room for hours, feeling my anxiety come back. I know I can’t stay here. I need to get back to Alek but to do that, I have to get past my brother.
Fortunately, he doesn’t lock me away in my room for my own ‘safety’ so I’m able to leave. Dimitri and Sofiya are in the living room, talking too quietly for me to hear what they’re saying. Dimitri just assumed I’d be happy to stay in my room, so he’ll never expect me to leave.
I tiptoe into the kitchen and write a note, telling him that I love him and I have no desire to hurt him but I can’t stay in my room any longer. I can’t stay in this house, with all my memories of my childhood ingrained in it. I have to be on my own. I want to be with Alek.
I set the pen down. Dimitri is not going to take any of this well but I have to hope that he and Alek can find a way to work together. I am going to become my own woman and no one is going to hold me back.
Dimitri keeps his car keys on the sideboard in the foyer so it’s not hard for me to grab them and sneak into the garage. I manage to start the car and leave the garage before Dimitri comes running out of the house, confusion and anger on his face. He doesn’t understand why I’m leaving. But I cannot stay here.
I make it back to Alek’s house and run up to the door. When it opens, I’m expecting to see Alek but instead it’s Susanna and Nina. What are they doing here?
“You left Alek?” Susanna asks. “He’s all upset.”
“Can I talk to him? Is he here?”
“No. He’s out looking for you. So you can just go away. We don’t want you here.” Susanna slams the door right in my face. I try knocking again but they both ignore me.
Alek is upset. Does he think I willingly left him? I felt pressured to leave but I still want to see him again. I want to talk with him.
I want to touch him and let him touch me.
But I can’t lead Dimitri to Alek’s house. If Dimitri finds Alek here, he will kill him and I can’t risk that. After getting back into the car, I go back to Dimitri’s house. He’ll have questions for me and I need to give him answers.
When I return, I find him pulling into the driveway behind me. So he followed me. Does that mean he saw Alek’s house?
Dimitri storms up to me after I get out of the car. “What the hell are you doing, Katya? You left the house? Of you own accord? Alek is out there, trying to get to you and I cannot let that happen.”
“I want to be with Alek.” I know it’s the right thing to say. I feel it in my gut. I feel it everywhere inside of me.
