And all while convincing Angelica that it's safe in my world.
Easy job, right?
19
ANGELICA
Three days have passed since the Christmas concert and I discovered the scrapes on Dante's knuckles.
He lied to me about what happened while Sofia and I sat in that sanctuary thinking we were having a normal family outing.
I've been withdrawing from him since then.
I keep my distance when we're in the same room and avoid his eyes during meals.
I make excuses not to spend time alone with him after Sofia goes to bed.
My heart was growing attached, but he will always choose violence first and handle problems with his fists or his weapons.
The more I remind myself of these things, the better I am.
Then I won’t allow myself to get carried away again and believe him when he says that he can protect us and keep us safe.
His version of safe is very different from what I picture safety as being.
Every time Sofia asks about him, I redirect her toward the happier traditions still left this time of year, and so today, I've planned something special, which hopefully will distract her for a while.
The constant questions about why Dante isn't tucking her in at night are wearing on my soul.
This morning, I've asked Luca to take Sofia and me to the Christmas market near the city center to give Sofia a chance to see the holiday displays and pick out a few small gifts.
But part of me wonders if this could be our chance to disappear.
If we could vanish into the crowd and find our way to a train station to leave Rome before Dante realizes we're gone.
Luca agrees after seeking permission from Dante, but he insists on bringing two additional guards who follow us at a distance as we walk through the market.
The stalls are packed with people buying gifts and food.
The air smells like roasted chestnuts and mulled wine.
Christmas carols play from speakers hidden among the decorations.
It's almost enough to help me get lost in the magic of the season.
Sofia pulls me from stall to stall, picking up handmade ornaments and wooden toys.
Her excitement is genuine.
It's like she's forgotten entirely about how we were taken from the street corner and shoved into a van to be dropped at a stranger's doorstep.
She just sees the lights and the music and the magic of Christmas.
I watch her and feel my resolve weakening.
I've seen a dozen moments where Luca let his guard down and I could've taken Sofia and run.
But how can I take her away from this?
