“I feel like it,” I said, shaking my head and letting out a shaky laugh. “I didn’t see it coming, man. I mean, I wanted this. Deep down, I think I’ve always wanted this, but… it’s different when it’s right there in front of you.”
Maverick smirked. “So what you’re saying is you’re about to cry again?”
That got the whole room laughing. I wiped at my face, trying to fight a grin. “Maybe. Hell, I don’t even know anymore.”
Calil clapped me on the back. “Ain’t nothing wrong with that. It’s a big thing, bro. You earned those tears.”
I looked around at all of them, these men I respected, and for once, I didn’t try to hold anything back. “I’m scared,” I said quietly. “I want this so bad it hurts, but I’m scared I’m gonna mess it up. No offense pops, but I don’t even know what being a good father looks like. I only know what not to do.”
Maverick’s teasing grin faded, replaced by something gentler. “It’s okay to be scared. It means you care enough to want to get it right.”
James Sr. stepped closer, his voice firm but softer than I was used to hearing. “None taken, son, I made this bed so I have to lie in it, and that means making sure you know that the mistakes I made, those aren’t yours to carry. They never were. I was wrong, in more ways than I can ever count. I put weight on you that no child should’ve had to bear, and I can’t take back the past, but I can tell you this: it ends with me.”
The room went still.
He looked at me with wet eyes, his hand trembling slightly as he reached for my shoulder. “If there are burdens you’ve been holding because of me, lay them down. I’m man enough to shoulder them now. I owe that to you, to your brother, to your mother. I broke things I can’t fix, but I will do everything in my power to make sure you never break the way I did.”
I swallowed hard, nodding because words wouldn’t come. The tightness in my chest burned, and before I could stop it, I was crying again, right there in front of everyone.
Caleb handed me a glass, smiling softly. “It’s alright, bro. We’ve all been there.”
When I finally pulled it together, I let out a deep breath. “I just don’t know how this works, you know? Raising a baby in something like this. Polyamory isn’t exactly a template for family. I don’t want to bring a kid into confusion.”
Maverick and Caleb exchanged a look before Caleb leaned forward. “You’re thinking about it the wrong way,” he said. “Polyamory isn’t about chaos, it’s about connection and community. The sex, the fun, that’s part of it, but the core of it, the real foundation, is love and companionship. Those are the same things that make a good home for a kid.”
Maverick nodded. “Exactly. Kids don’t care about labels; they care about love. They care about being safe, about being seen. If they have that, they’ll grow up fine. Better than fine. They’ll grow up knowing that love doesn’t have to fit inside one box to be real.”
I listened to them, letting their words sink in.
Knox leaned back, grinning. “And for real, don’t pick now of all times to start caring what society thinks. Those same people preaching about ‘normal’ are usually the ones miserable as hell at home. Build your own normal, make your own rules, and cultivate your own happiness.”
The laughter around the table was easy again, the kind that loosened knots.
I sat back, looking at the cigars, the drinks, the men around me, and felt something in me finally start to settle. The fear I was feeling didn’t disappear, but it quieted, and the confidence made its way back, reassuring me that I could do this, we could do this, and I didn’t need to look for control; I just needed to look forward.
One thing I was certain of was that I couldn’t wait to meet the little heartbeat that had already changed everything.
By the time I made it home from Noire, it was past midnight. The laughter from the night still echoed in my chest, but the emotions sat heavier now that I was alone. My mind kept replaying the ultrasound, the sound of that tiny heartbeat, the way Amiyah’s face glowed when she said you’re going to be a dad.
I opened the bedroom door, and whatever thoughts I had left fell away. They were both there, waiting for me.
Calla and Amiyah, nude against the soft sheets, wrapped around each other like art. Their skin caught the glow from the candles, and for a second, I just stood there, taking it in. Every ounce of tension I had from the night melted right there in the doorway.
Amiyah smiled softly. “You look like you forgot how to breathe.”
I exhaled, still caught between awe and disbelief. “Something like that.”
Calla’s voice was calm, her eyes steady. “You had a big night. Go shower, baby, then come talk to us.”
I nodded, grateful for the pause. The water grounded me, hot and heavy on my shoulders, washing away the noise. By the time I stepped out, I felt clear. Ready. When I came back to bed, they both looked at me expectantly. I climbed in between them, pulling the sheet over us. Their warmth pressed into me on both sides, and for a moment, I couldn’t speak.
Then I finally did. “I need us to all want this. I know what we said in New York, but I want this,” I said quietly. “To be a family, and raise this baby together. I don’t want to half-love anybody. I want this to be whole, for all of us.”
Calla reached for my hand first. “We do,” she said softly. “I do.”
Amiyah nodded, tears already filling her eyes. “Me too.”
I smiled at both of them. “Amiyah, you know why I love you? You remind me what gentleness feels like. You love like breathing, and you make me want to be better without ever asking me to change. You’re strength wrapped in softness.”
