Their discussion made me uncomfortable. She’d clearly talked about me with Cruz. On one hand, that had to mean she wanted more with me. But he was still here. What the fuck?
Cruz’s focus shifted back to the conversation. “Kings aren’t just going to go away.”
I agreed, but I didn’t have a lot of choice. “I’m staying away from Washington Street. Probation has rules. I have to work, or I’m locked up. I have to pay rent to the halfway house, or I’m locked up. I have a payment plan with the court for my fines, and I’ll lose my bike if I don’t make the payments to the bank.”
“You need options.” Cruz went to the fridge for another beer and handed another soda to me. “How long until you can get out of the halfway house?”
“Since my three months are up, my PO could cut me loose.” I rested a hand on McKelle’s leg beneath the quilt. “I just need somewhere to go. But I don’t have funds for first and last month’s rent, and a security deposit. That is if I could even afford an apartment. I’d be better off renting a room somewhere, but I’m coming out of a halfway house. Landlords don’t love a tenant with a felony drug conviction.”
“Maybe you could stay here,” McKelle mumbled with a sleepy voice. She pillowed her hands beneath her cheek. Her eyes were still closed. “I can talk to my dad.”
“Nah, fuck that,” Cruz snapped. “It’s enough I’m letting him date you.”
“She doesn’t need your permission,” I said.
Cruz rolled his shoulders. “She made that clear earlier.” He stared at McKelle. “She made a lot of things clear.”
Neither of us spoke. Maybe because neither one of us really wanted to know what we were thinking. Was he losing her? Because I wasn’t sure if she was going to be able to let him go.
“Ryatt. You’re in a halfway house. That’s one off from a trap house. Users know users and they all know dealers. Kings are going to be asking about you.”
“I’m so fucked. I’ve got nowhere to go.” I glanced at McKelle. Sleep finally had her. Soft snores slipped past her slightly parted lips. “I can’t let my problems become her problems.”
“If you walk now, she’s going to blame me.” He stood with his empty beer bottle and held his hand out for my empty can. “She’s not ready to fight with me yet.”
Why did he sound disappointed?
“How serious are you about prospecting?” Cruz tossed both in the garbage. “Because you can’t sort of want the patch. You earn it with blood, sweat, and you’ll probably cry yourself to sleep a few times.”
“I was hoping to be out of the halfway house, and out from under my PO first. He could rescind my probation for associating with Hellers.”
“A room is opening up at the MC. Rent is cheap. Community bathroom, but you’ll have to talk to Romeo. Prospects aren’t Hellers, and rooms are usually only rented to patched members. But they make exceptions. They did for me, but there was never any doubt that I was going to do whatever it took to get the patch.”
And that’s where we were different. Brotherhood, but not at any cost. I wouldn’t put the club before McKelle.
I stared hard at Cruz and lowered my voice. “Are we going to pretend this isn’t fucked up?”
“Completely fucked up.” His gaze shifted to McKelle. “I can’t explain our relationship to you. I don’t think she could either. You wouldn’t understand.”
“I might.” I was still here after seeing them together at the track. Still here knowing she was in love with him. Still here because I couldn’t stay away. Still here because she wanted me to be.
“Our relationship has always been volatile.” He bowed his head. “I wish I could say I’d never hurt her, but I have.”
A hot flash of anger burned in my gut. I vaulted up. “What the fuck do you mean you’ve hurt her?”
Cruz jerked back in the chair. “Not violent, you asshole. I’ve hurt her with my behavior. I let her down when she was always there for me. When your wholefucking world is burning down, you gain perspective. She’s everything.”
“Was she everything when you were working for the patch? Now that you have it, now that you don’t have to make a choice, you choose her.”
“I know how it looks, but you’re wrong. Not the patch, not the Hellers, not even you were the reason.” He rubbed the knuckles on his right hand, probably thinking about punching me for kissing McKelle. “Just me. I fucked up.” He stood and shrugged out of his leather vest. Oh man, the dude was cut with muscle. He could definitely make me hurt. “I’m having another beer.” He opened the mini fridge. “Because I’m crashing here tonight.”
“Not with her.” I said the words before I considered the impact they’d have on Cruz.
He twisted open the bottle and took a sip. “If you can’t handle her dating both of us, you should walk.”
“And you can?”
“Apparently, I can, and no one is more shocked than me.”
