“Not all the time.”
He released a long, slow exhale. “Have you fucked him?”
“No,” I whispered. “But—”
“But you want to. One taste of your pussy, he’ll become obsessed.” He nipped my skin. Tiny volts of fiery need tightened my nipples. “I know because I’m obsessed.”
I gripped the edge of his cut, curling my hands into fists, fighting to keep space between us when all I wanted was to grind my pussy against the hard swell of his cock nudging my pelvis. “I can’t do this.”
“Fighting for us is foreplay. You know how I feel about you. Don’t give up on me. Don’t tell me you don’t want this anymore.”
I lifted my gaze to his. “Did I want a you and me?” I asked. “Yes. I love you, but I don’t love that I can’t trust you. I hate that I think about you all the time when Ryatt is doing everything right.” I didn’t want to do this here. I hated that I loved him as much as I loathed what he’ddone. I hated that I couldn’t forget Hayley, and Jinx, and the lies and broken promises.
I hated that I couldn’t forget the way he made me feel. My emotions were so fucking deep and dark that even here, with his scent surrounding me, and his voice seeping into me, I was drowning in contradictions.
I still loved Cruz, but Ryatt mattered. I felt like I was betraying both of them.
“I don’t love our history,” I said. “I know I’ve hurt you, too. I guilted you into being what I needed. At least, I tried to. You never showed up. We don’t want the same things, Cruz.”
“We don’t have to want the same things as long as we want to be together. Micki, we’re good together.”
“Sex isn’t enough.” I hated hurting him. “My god, I’m here at a club with your friends.Hellers.I’ve made them my friends. But you can’t be in the same room with my dad.”
He growled and rolled his shoulders. “I like your sister.”
“She likes you, too. My dad would’ve liked you if you’d given him the chance to know you. I spent every night in the MC with you. While you worked behind the bar,” I added with a note of annoyance. “And you couldn’t spend a Saturday at the track with me. You won’t come to my house. You want me, but you want me to fit into your life, but you’ve never wanted to be a part of mine.”
I traced my fingertip over his name on the left breast of his cut. “You’ve risked your life for them.” For Blue, Kiss and his Heller brothers. He didn’t have to tell me the dangerous situations he faced, but Hellers carried guns, lived by their own code, and protected each otherlike family. Cruz wanted their family, but he didn’t want anything to do with mine.
“I risked us for them.” He feathered his fingertips along my temple. “I’m sorry. So fucking sorry.”
I believed him, but he’d broken me, and Ryatt was making me feel things I’d forgotten I needed. He made me laugh. He made me feel beautiful. “I’m not going to stop seeing Ryatt.”
“It won’t last,” he said.
“It might.”
“You think? I’ve been here since you walked in the door with him. At first, I wanted to beat his ass for touching you.”
“At first? Now, you don’t want to fight him? What changed?”
“You.” He cocked his head, and his gaze slipped from my eyes to my mouth.
“I’m not going to fight with you either,” I said, knowing I was a liar.
He knew it, too. His lips twitched. “The only thing we do better than fight is fuck. But that’s not all we are.” He brushed my bangs from my eyes. “I promised not to lie to you. Never again.” He leaned in closer until his breath was warm against my ear.
“I know I fucked up,” he said. “You want to date Ryatt, fine, but I’m not backing off. I’ll stalk you, Micki. I’ll fucking watch him touch my girl to be close to you.”
I swallowed the extra spit in my mouth. “You’d watch me with him?” Because the thought of him touching another girl cut deep, so deep I couldn’t breathe.
“I’ve watched you all night. When you were dancing, Ryatt looked good on you. I hate that he makes you smile, but I love to see you happy. You can’t tell meyou don’t miss what we have.” His lips barely touched my flesh. “He had his hands on your ass, and his tongue was in your mouth. You were kissing him back, but were you all in?”
I pulled back. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“I want you to admit he’s not like me, and he won’t be enough.” He threaded his fingers into my hair. “I want you to admit that your panties are soaked, not because of him, but because of me. Because you know he won’t collar your throat and fuck you against this wall.”
I sucked in a sharp breath.
