"Bullshit."
He turns to look at me, eyebrows raised at my bluntness.
"You can lie to yourself all you want," I continue, "but don't lie to me. I saw the way you looked at him. The way he looked at you. That wasn't just biology. Unless what happened between the three of us is just biology to you?"
Because if it is, I want to know.
Plague is quiet for so long I think he's going to ignore my observation entirely. When he finally speaks, his voice is barely audible.
"Of course not. You're an omega. That's… different," he says carefully. "What exists between Whiskey and me is complicated."
"Most worthwhile things are."
"He's an alpha. I'm an alpha. We're packmates. Practically brothers, really. I don't even like him half the time," he mutters.
I shift onto my side to face him, studying the sharp angles of his face in the dim light. "Really?" I ask, wincing at the clear doubt in my voice. I'd hoped it wouldn't bethatobvious I don't believe a word he's saying.
Another long silence. I can practically see him weighing his words, deciding how much truth he's willing to reveal.
"Whiskey and I have been... circling each other for years," he finally admits. "Neither of us has been willing to acknowledge what that means. Or what it could mean."
"Why not?"
"Because acknowledging it would change everything. And change is..." He struggles with the admission. "Difficult for me."
"Change is difficult for everyone. Doesn't mean it's not worth it."
"Easy for you to say," he says in that signature tone of his that's so dry it chafes. "You've already hit the nuclear button on change."
I snort. "Yeah, well, sometimes blowing up your life is the only way to save it," I say under my breath.
Plague considers this, studying my face. "You're still not sure you're free," he says softly. It's a statement. Not a question.
"I'm still figuring that out." I pull Wraith's hoodie tighter around myself, drawing comfort from his lingering scent. "But I know I couldn't keep living the way I was. Even if it meant losing everything I thought I wanted."
"And now?"
"Now I'm learning the difference between what I thought I wanted and what I actually need."
"Which is?"
"Choice," I say without hesitation. "The freedom to make my own decisions, even if they're wrong. " I pause, then add, "Especiallyif they're wrong."
Plague nods slowly, understanding flickering in his eyes. "You were never given that."
"I was never given anything by anyone who wasn't serving their own purposes. Especially not when it comes to alphas." The bitterness in my voice surprises me. I thought I'd processed most of my anger, but apparently it's still there, simmering just below the surface. "I kept thinking if I just tried harder, if I was better, things would get better."
"It wasn't your fault."
"I know that. Intellectually. But knowing something and feeling it are different things."
Plague is quiet for a moment, then asks, "Is that why you're hesitant about the pack? About trusting us?"
His perceptiveness catches me off guard. "Maybe. It's hard to trust my own judgment when it failed me so spectacularly before."
"Your judgment didn't fail you. You were manipulated by someone who clearly made it his business to undermine your confidence and independence. That's not the same thing."
"Tell that to the part of my brain that keeps waiting for the other shoe to drop."
