“I panicked. Said something ridiculous about needing to know how he organized his cutlery drawer, and then I just shut down. And now…” I glance out the window like maybe I’ll see him down by the barn, which is ridiculous. “He’s really giving me space, which I hate, but I hate it because he’s giving me exactly what I wanted. Now I don’t know how to get him to talk to me.”
She makes a low, thoughtful hum. “What are you going to do about it?”
“I don’t know.”
“Roxanne,” my mom starts, using her scolding tone.
“I’ve tried, okay. I’ve tried to politely ask if we can talk, but he sidesteps me and avoids me.”
“Maybe you should stop being so polite.”
“Mother, this isn’t a movie. I can’t show up on his doorstep looking all dramatic and beg him to take me back.”
“You can’t?”
“No.”
“Roxanne … When did you start believing that you had to wait for permission to go after what you want?”
My throat tightens. “Idohave to wait now, when I’m the one who made Duke feel unwanted.”
She continues, gently, “You used to wear red lipstick to make a coffee run because it made you feel dressed up. You used to take salsa classes alone in Queens. You’ve always had this fire, baby. You’ve just been burying it under logic and fear.”
I blink, hard.
“If you want him,” she says plainly, “go get him.”
I scoff. “You want me to, what? Use my feminine wiles? Put red lipstick on and salsa dance my way back to him?”
“It worked for Elizabeth Taylor.”
I furrow my brow. “Did it?”
“Probably.”
“I don’t want him to think I’m playing games. I?—”
“Sweetie, you aren’t playing games and even if you are, who cares? There’s something to the art of flirting, and that’s what you need to do. Show him you want him. Use all the tools in your arsenal, sweetheart.”
“I’m not sure I remember how to flirt with a man anymore.”
“I get it,” she continues. “You opened up, got burned, and now you’re afraid it’ll happen again. But love doesn’t come with a ten-point safety inspection, Roxanne. It’s chaos! It’s chemistry, and it wrecks you in the most beautiful way. You think falling in love in one summer is impossible? Sweetie, people have started wars over love in less time than that.”
I can’t help but laugh again. “I guess he did take me shopping for new clothes since I didn’t bother packing anything useful. I do have a red dress that made him blush.”
“And how did you feel when he saw you in it and turned pink?”
A smile spreads across my lips. “Like … a million dollars. It felt good to get him all flustered.”
“Good!” she says. “Oh, I wish I could hug you right now.”
“Me too. I love you so much.”
“I love you too. Now, stop waiting for life to prove it’s safe. Flirt with the man. Pursue him. What’s the worst that happens? The summer ends and you have to part ways? That would be tragic, but at least you lived and loved again, and that’s everything.”
I shrug and settle in as she tells me more about her current adventures. We soon hang up, and I trudge upstairs knowing that I can’t attempt to get Duke’s attention without utilizing the other two pieces of my arsenal: Allie and Leo.
made you look
