I took a deep breath. Confessing was something I knew I had to do. I’d wanted to for a while, but most times when we were together, Nathan was around or we were at work.No, that’s a lie I’d been telling myself, too.Truthfully, the fear of losing my best friend had kept me quiet. She told me not to hurt Brandon, and that’s exactly what I’d done. But as my therapist loved to tell me, I can’t control how others will react to my actions, but I can control my actions. And coming clean was the first step to rebuilding the trust I’d broken with Daphne—even if she didn’t know it was broken.
I turned to face her, tucking my legs up underneath me. “Sooooo, remember how you told me not to fuck Brandon?”
“Oh sweet baby Cheesus, Lexi. You didn’t!” She palmed her face.
“I did. And then I did exactly what you said I’d do—I hurt him. Things were getting kinda serious, and I freaked out and I ran. I ran all the way to California.” Rushing my words, I continued, feeling an overwhelming need to get it all out. “I was a fucking mess. I liked him. Like, I reallyliked him, and it made me really uneasy. I was afraid I’d gotten too close. I was afraid of falling for him. So I took that leave of absence, thinking that if I put some distance between us, I’d get over it. But I didn’t. I thought about him every freaking day. So when I got back, I started seeing a therapist to find out what the fuck was wrong with me. My dad leaving when I was little obviously fucked me up, and seeing my mom sad all the time didn’t help. But as it turns out, Mom’s been fucking fine this whole time, and get this—dating. Nevermind. That’s for another time. The point is, I wanted to figure out why I was such a fuckgirl and why I had such a hard time letting people in.” A tear slid down my cheek. “I at least wanted to learn how to open myself up more. I realized I didn’t want to be alone forever. And I know you told me not to, and I know I fucked up, but please know that I’m so sorry. I never meant to lie to you or keep things from you. I wanted to tell you so many times, but I was so afraid of losing you. You’re the only person I’ve ever really let in before.”
Daphne pulled me into a hug. “Oh, Lexi. Please don’t cry. It’s okay.”
I sobbed into her neck. “Really?”
She pulled away from me to look me in the eye. “You’re my best friend, bitch, and I love you. Did you mess up? Yes. But I don’t know why you didn’t just tell me from the jump.”
“Let’s see…” I ticked off each point on a finger. “I fucked Nathan’s brother after youspecificallytold me not to,then I lied to your face about it, and worst of all, I did exactly what you said I’d do and the whole reason you wanted me to stay away from him in the first place—I hurt Brandon. I was so afraid you’d be pissed, and I didn’t want to lose you, too.”
“Okay, all of that is bad, and I’m not thrilled about you lying to me, but I don’t think I really gave you an opportunity to tell me. If I’m not mistaken, I mentioned a few times what a mess it would be if you two hooked up, but I shouldn’t have said anything. It wasn’t my place, and I’m sorry.”
“No, you were right. I wasn’t interested in a relationship then, and I wasn’t in the right headspace to be getting involved with him or anyone, for that matter. He’s too good, and he didn’t deserve what I did or how I treated him.” I wiped my eyes.
“God, I was such an asshole, and I feel terrible, Lex. I love you so much.” She pulled me into another hug.
“I love you too.” I sat back and sipped my wine. “And you weren’t an asshole. You were calling me out on my bullshit, and I was being selfish. Thankfully, I’m in a better place now.”
“I’m happy for you, babe.” She took a sip from her glass before continuing. “I thought it was weird that we didn’t see him much this summer. He was probably avoiding anything where you might have been invited, but you were avoiding me like the plague, too. I thought something was off, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. Oh, fuck, is it going to be weird at Christmas?”
“I’m not sure. I think I made it right, or at least I’m trying to. We’re… um… dating?”
“Is that a question?”
I chuckled. “Yeah. We’re trying to take things slow, but we’ve been out a few times.”
“And how do you feel about that?” Daphne asked.
“Things have been really good, I think. We have a lot of fun together, and it’s been weird but nice getting to know each other with our clothes on.”
Daphne laughed. “Oh, there she is.”
“I know. It’s so weird, right? I can’t believe I’m actually having‘clothes on’fun with a man, especially a man I’ve already fucked six ways from Sunday.”
Daphne placed her hands over her ears. “La la la la.”
“It’s not like you’ve never heard about my exploits before.”
“He’s Nathan’s brother, Lexi! I do not need the details.”
I arched a brow. “So you don’t want to know about his magical monster cock?”
Daphne made a gagging sound and then practically shouted, “Fuck no! Don’t ever say that again, or Iwilldrown you in this lake! Capeesh?”
“Okay, okay. So, you’re really not mad?” I winced.
Daphne took my hands in hers. “I’m not mad, but like I said, I’m a little upset you didn’t come to me sooner. I would have liked to help you through it. I’m sad that you’ve been keeping it all in and dealing with this all on your own. Does your mom know at least?”
“Yeah, she’s been great. I was glad I had her these pastfew months, but I’ve missed you so much. I’m really so sorry.”
“Stop apologizing. But please don’t shut me out again. That’s what best friends are for—to get us through tough times. I’m here for you, babe, no matter what.”
“I won’t. I promise. And I mean it this time, I swear. There’s one more thing, though.”
