JO
I did something different and ended up with the same result. I sighed in defeat as I put on my robe. Ryan was in the washroom getting ready to head home, and I remained a virgin. I’ve considered auctioning off my virginity to the highest bidder because at this point that may be the only way I can lose it.
How is it possible that I couldn’t give away my virginity to save my life?
I really thought tonight would be the night. Ryan was into me, I could tell, and, well, of course, I wanted him too. I didn’t wait all this time to lose my virginity to someone I wasn’t attracted to. Or worse, to someone-who I thought might be a dud in bed.
That man was well on his way to giving me an experience that was worth waiting for. Then it all came to a crashing halt.
Full disclosure, sometimes when I’m embarrassed, I dig my heels in. I should have apologised and come clean, but Ididn’t know how. Now, our night was over. Honestly, I couldn’t blame him. I shouldn’t have let him find out the way he did. In my defense, I’ve tried being upfront in the past. Well… you see how that ended up. Still a virgin.
Ryan opened the door, and I was surprised to find that although he had put his shirt on, it was still unbuttoned. I already felt bad about the way things had gone between us. All it took was one look in my direction for my apology to spill from my lips.
“I’m sorry for not telling you this was my first time.”
His energy was much different from what it was before. Ryan didn’t seem as upset with me as he had been. Hmm. Is it possible the night might be salvagedafter all?
His almond-shaped eyes, a reflection of his Asian heritage, bored into me as he asked, “But why?”
“But why… what are you asking exactly? Why didn’t I tell you it was my first time, or why is it my first time?” I needed clarification on how to answer the question.
“Both.” He leaned against the door frame and folded his arms over his impressive chest.
Ryan stood tall, his muscular frame radiating a raw, masculine energy that was impossible to ignore. His presence was both commanding and alluring, with an intensity that made it hard to focus.
“I wasn’t forthcoming about being a virgin because it never ends well,” I admitted, my voice heavy with the weight of past judgments. “Which is why I am still a virgin.” I sighed, resisting the urge to roll my eyes. “Men make a big dealabout it,” I added, the frustration in my tone betraying the vulnerability I usually kept hidden.
He raised one eyebrow and asked, “And it isn’t a big deal?”
Just when I thought he couldn’t get any sexier.
“Not in the way you guys often think of it,” I paused, struggling to articulate my thoughts. This was uncharted territory for me. I was accustomed to wielding words with precision, a skill that made me an exceptional lawyer. “If I can be completely honest with you…”
“Stop stalling,” he ordered, his voice cutting through the air with unyielding authority.
This time when I opened and closed my mouth, it wasn’t a tactic. I was genuinely surprised; not only did he understand what I was up to, he called me out. Well, wasn’t Ryan full of surprises?
“I’m tired of men acting like my virginity means I’m some damsel they have to pledge their commitment to. It’s bullshit. I don’t owe anyone my body or my choices, and their ‘commitment’ doesn’t define my worth. It’s my decision, my life, and I have refused to let outdated notions dictate how I’m perceived or treated.”
By the time I finished, my hands were planted on my hips, and I was fully aware that I was on my soapbox. It was a touchy subject for me.
He inclined his head. “I see. You’ve told me what you don’t want. Now tell me what you do want.”
“I want to experience intimacy on my own terms, without the weight of outdated expectations. All I want is to haveamazing sex, where my sexual partner and I bring each other pleasure. I don’t get why my virginity has to stand in the way of that. I just want my back blown out!”
Why have I had yet another outburst? I want to cover my face and shrink away somewhere. When I look up at him through my lashes, he has an amused look on his face. The corner of his mouth is tipped up just enough to make it seem like a smirk, although I wouldn’t call it one. My embarrassment flips on a dime. Just as I prepared myself to cuss his ass out, he shocked me.
“Alright, that I can work with.” He slipped out of his shirt and held his hand out to me.
Nice. He has big working man’s hands. I already know how it feels on my skin, and I was eager to feel it again.
I should have thought this through, probably? Did I? Fuck no. It was the easiest thing in the world to close the gap between us and place my hand in his. For my reward, he pulled me flush against his body.
Ryan looked down at me. The intensity in his coal-coloured eyes had Ms. Kitty sopping wet in anticipation. Before I could ask him what’s next, he kissed me. I mean, this man kissed the shit out of me. The kisses before were hot, but this one is on a volcano eruption level.
The greedy moan? Shocker… it’s me!
He pushed away from my kiss, making me an unhappy camper.
