“Of course, they’re not discharging me for a few more hours.”
“Okay, I’m going to let you get dressed. I’ll see you in the hall.” She plucked a tissue out of the box provided by the hospital that sat on my nightstand, dabbing at her eyes as she closed my door upon her exit.
I stripped off my pajamas and headed into the bathroom. It was a blessing they didn’t do body checks on a patient's discharge, as they did when they were being admitted. The bruises peppering my flesh would probably raise too many questions that I wouldn’t be able to answer. Daxton’s grip was almost permanently imprinted on my hips, dark purple spots where his fingers had dug into me as he had fucked me into oblivion.
I couldn’t get over that in a few short weeks. I looked healthier than I had in almost two years. Life had finally returned to the features in my face, and my eyes were no longer dull and fading.My stitches came out a few days ago, and my pale skin now has multiple thick purple scars puckered up against my flesh. I wasn’t going to let that bother me from now on. I had fought for my life, and I had won. I may have been detoured by coming to the hospital, but I lived when someone had tried their damndest to kill me, and I wouldn’t take that victory lightly.
When getting dressed to face the chilly mountain air, I made sure to pick warm enough clothes. Jeans and a dark green sweater made up my outfit, with my winter coat lying on my bed next to my bed. Unfortunately, I didn’t have any of my fall boots from home, so I slipped on my flats again. I braided my hair back in a long plait down my back, barely containing my excitement that tonight I’d be showering in my own bathroom, able to use my own products, and finally be able to shave my legs. That was the worst part about being here, silly as it was, I hated the fine hair that had slowly been growing since patients weren’t allowed to have access to razor blades.
While waiting outside my door for my last meal with my hallmates, I was nearly bouncing on my feet with excitement. Andrew had been discharged earlier this week, so it was just the four of us left now. Cindy hadn’t returned to work since she discovered Brandon's body. Shemar and Collins alternated the day shift with us while they took on more hours. Security now does additional walk-throughs in the middle of the night. The rumor had spreadamongst the patients that Darrell had been caught sleeping on the job.
Food had never tasted as good as it did this morning; everything had so much more flavor as I devoured it. I laughed with Kendi and Thelma throughout the meal. Even Tyson joined our small table to participate in the conversation. Everyone had been doing so well in their own programs and was all looking forward to being discharged in the near future. Our little band of misfits was finally being set free into the real world one by one.
After breakfast, I went back to the lounge with everyone while they waited for their group therapy to start. Michelle wouldn’t be able to be the one to pick me up to take me home, when she called last night, the school where she worked was short on substitute teachers, so she couldn’t take the time off. Even though I tried my best to reassure her that I would have someone else drive me home, her guilt was still evident. Forever taking care of me, I doubted it would ever change with her. I promised her once I was home, I’d text her, all of my personal belongings that I wasn’t allowed to have while admitted to the clinic, including my cell phone, would be given back as I left.
Daxton had stepped up to be able to drive me home since my house wasn’t far from downtown, where he both lived and worked. He wasn’t on duty at the clinic today, so that made it easier. Every time we talked, he made sure to remind me that this wasn’t some fling that was going to stay behind the walls of thebehavioral clinic: this was real. And every time I listened to him, I took a leap of faith in believing that he meant what he said.
As nine o’clock rolled around, Shemar appeared in the doorway with someone I had never met before. An older woman, short even compared to me, stood beside him with a name tag that didn’t label her as medical staff.
“Miss Devlin,” he called, and I inwardly cringed. I had asked him over and over to call me by my first name, but he was too by-the-book to deviate from addressing all the patients with the same show of respect. “This is Brenda Farley, she’s in charge of going over everyone’s discharge papers. If you could come with us, please.” The older woman smiled in greeting as I hugged everyone goodbye. Kendi’s tears hurt my heart even though I knew our goodbye was only temporary, and I promised to call her tonight after I got settled back in at home.
I followed the pair out into the hall, my nose itching from Brenda’s floral perfume applied a little too strongly for my taste. I did my best to ignore it and the sneezing impulse it gave me. I was getting out of here, and I had to focus on that and not something as mundane as strong perfume.
“Brenda is going to take you to her office on the first floor,” Shemar said as we walked down the hall, stopping at my door. “I’ll take your belongings to security so they can make sure everything is in order. Once you’re done, she will walk you to security to check out, and then you’re all set.” Seemed simple enough. He askedif I could double-check my room to make sure I packed everything I needed before taking my bag from me and leading the way out into the visitors’ area.
“If you’ll come with me, my dear,” she said as Shemar went the opposite direction with my belongings. She led us directly to the elevators instead of the stairs; given how frail she looked, she probably always avoided the stairs. “Are you excited?” She asked as we boarded the first elevator that opened for us.
“I’m ready to get back to normal,” I said. Small talk wasn’t really my strong suit. I tended to get a little too sarcastic, and most people found it off-putting. I tried for her sake not to give in to that default persona.
“We’ll get you all sorted out and you’ll be back in the swing of things in no time, I’m sure.” The elevator dinged as we reached the first floor. Brenda led the way slowly down a short hall to an office that would have been better suited to a janitorial supply closet.
A stack of paperwork sat on her neatly organized desk, free of any personal belongings or clutter. The walls were bare and white, and I had to wonder who in their right mind would enjoy working in a windowless room with nothing of substance to look at.
“I’ve marked everywhere that you need to sign; all of it is pretty straightforward. You’re acknowledging that your treatment at the clinic is over. There’s also a liability waiver that once you leave the hospital are no longer responsible for your care. Any and all appointments made after you leave are your responsibilityto make and maintain. Any therapy you receive outside the clinic must be set up on your own.” I already knew all that. Daxton was going to continue to be my therapist. He had explained everything to me a few sessions ago. Most therapists tried to help their patients set up care once they left the confines of the clinic; the hospital just didn’t require them to do so.
As she kept listing off the pages, I signed at every marked line. I honestly didn’t care what the forms were as long as they got me out of here. Daxton had promised he’d be sitting in the main parking lot at nine on the dot, despite the fact that it was closer to nine thirty by the time every line was signed and every page bore my initials per her instructions.
She walked me back out into the main lobby, where the security office sat, my bag waiting on the counter in front of the two guards on duty. An open door behind them gave me a glance into an office with multiple monitors keeping watch over the few areas that had security cameras, with a third guard sitting in front of them.
One of them handed me my bag and my coat, letting me know that my cell phone and jewelry that I had been wearing when I was admitted were inside the sealed bag and waiting for me. Not that I didn’t believe him, but I opened it to check before signing his form that said I received all of my belongings and anything left behind would become property of the hospital. They weren’t responsible for returning any lost items to their owners.
Before leaving I unzipped a small plastic bag that held the last gift my father ever gave me, a simple silver heart -shaped necklace. I was shocked when I was told it hadn’t broken during the altercation with Craig. My mother had yelled at my dad for over an hour for spending the extra money on me for my birthday. I slipped my thick coat on, zipping it up to my chin before shouldering my bag. Brenda swiped her badge over the front door lock to unlock it. She stayed behind, bidding me to take care of myself as I left the building.
Bright autumn sunlight nearly blinded me as I stepped outside, causing me to blink rapidly a few times as my eyes adjusted. Though our therapists had taken us outside multiple times during our group sessions, it felt different being outside and being free. I walked down the stairs, spotting Daxton easily since he was parked in one of the first spaces in the parking lot, his black Jeep difficult to miss.
He got out as I approached him and took my bag from me. As much as I wanted to wrap my arms around him and feel his body against mine, I refrained. We needed to be away from the hospital before anything like that could happen. Daxton placed my bag in the back of his Jeep before opening the passenger door for me. He had left the engine running with the heat on, so I removed my coat before securing my seat belt.
Taking his place in the driver's seat, he put his Jeep in gear and pulled out of the parking space.
“I’m glad to see they didn’t drag their feet getting your discharge papers ready.” He said as we pulled to the road that led us through the hospital's campus. Different specialist buildings surrounded the general practice hospital at the center.
“I was a little surprised, myself. I was worried you’d be waiting out here for half the day.” My nerves were vibrating against my skin as I took in his appearance. Being in the clinic with him was one thing, almost like a fantasy played out in one of the romance books I loved so much. Outside the safety of the controlled environment, it became real, and real became dangerous.
He turned his head to look at me as he stopped at a stop sign before the main road leading out of the mountains. “I would have waited out here for as long as it took, don’t worry about me.” His caramel eyes were sincere, and it made my heart feel things it hadn’t felt in a long time, if ever at all.
“You wouldn’t have to, though,” I said as reality slowly started to sink in.
“I know I wouldn’t have to, I would choose to. I’d choose you every time, Raelynn.” He reached over and took my chin gently in his fingers and drew me to him for a kiss. There wasn’t any traffic on the road behind us, so we took our time.
