Chapter seventeen
The Vigilante
September 28th 2023
On a normal given day, I was usually out of my office at the hospital and home by dinner time. Even if the only dinner I had waiting for me at home was leftovers from whatever takeout I had acquired the night before. Spending my extra time between patients poring over Raelynn's journals, was proving to be a more daunting task than I originally thought it was going to be.
Her sister hadn’t been exaggerating when she said Rae documented almost every part of her life when she started cutting. The teenage years were beyond what any typical teenager should ever have had to endure. Michelle and Raelynn both made the abuse sound more like neglect, but the extent of the emotional damage Raelynn talked about made me concerned for both sisters. That type of trauma without intervention was dangerous. They were both healthy and seemingly functional adults, both with stable careers, so professionally speaking, either they both were blessed with an unnatural ability to manage stress, or they were both well adapted at burying their past, keeping it hidden, and using unhealthy coping mechanisms to avoid facing it.
Raelynn’s journals didn’t just depict a sad upbringing from living with her parents and graphic descriptions of how she self-harmed to cope with the stress; they also held an array of fictional fantasies within them as well. She never seemed to complete a story in her many journals, but rather found ways of retelling horrible events that left her the victor. She made herself powerful, undefeated, and impervious to harm from both of her parents and the bullies at school. I had suspected she hid the depths of her violent fantasies; never had I thought her mind would be so similar to my own. She covered it well, her compassion for animals and her friends was a genuine part of her persona just as much as the deviant mind she tended to like fragile glass.
I found it interesting that she also enjoyed documenting what most people might consider mundane information about themselves. She’d talk about her favorite foods, movies she liked or didn’t like, and she tended to like horror more than she did comedy or romantic films. Her best friend Brooke, was a predominant character in many of her entries, at least the ones I’d read so far. There were so many layers that went deeper than the bad stuff she believed made up most of her personality.
I wasn’t able to go through all her journals before my sessions started this morning. Staying up late and getting up early, I was able to make it through half of what she wrote in high school. From what she documented, she was nowhere near as popular as her sister had been, and she seemed happy about that, neverspeaking of jealousy towards Michelle. Raelynn frequently talked of a few friends consistently, so I felt safe guessing she kept her circle close and small rather than seeking out popularity.
She never wrote about sports or any extracurricular activities, given that her parents were always abusing different substances, it wasn’t surprising that neither sister got to really enjoy their teenage years outside of their academics. Instead, Rae took a job at sixteen at the current vet clinic she works at now, only cleaning kennels and walking the dogs. When things were bad, when she was spiraling down the path that led her to cutting, that’s when her imagination was set free.
There was one bully in particular, she wrote about who went out of his way to torment her at school. The ways she wrote about killing him after he sent her best friends nude photos around the school weren’t just creative in the ways he died but also extremely detailed. She didn’t just write fantasies because she was angry; she thought them out and planned every component down to the occasional torture. Gore and carnage littered the pages when she was at her worst, always directed at those who wronged her or anyone she cared about.
Out of curiosity, I did some searching into the bullies she went to school with, just to see if she ever acted on any of the impulses she wrote about. Unfortunately, she never did; they were all alive and active on social media, and Rae didn’t have anything on herpublic record other than when her ex had her arrested, claiming she assaulted him.
With the amount of reading I had accomplished throughout the day between patients, I found myself too exhausted to want to stop by the diner and pick up food, and couldn’t bring myself to lower my standards enough to go through a drive-through at a fast-food establishment. Staff were allowed one free meal from the cafeteria per working day, though I rarely took advantage of it. Not that the food wasn’t good, I just preferred to spend my evenings alone. After spending all day talking to my patients, talking wasn’t something I enjoyed doing too much of in my downtime.
Since it was getting late, I decided it was better to have dinner in the cafeteria than to risk trying to cook something when I got home, when I knew I’d be too distracted by my reading material later. I packed the two journals that I planned on reading at home into my satchel and made my way to the stairs to the main level, where the cafeteria was located. I told myself it would be a quick dinner, nothing special. The plan was to strictly eat and leave so I could return to my unethical research.
Only when I entered the cafeteria did I see that it wasn’t the adolescent group that should have been in there. The behavioral group, Raelynn's group, was going through the line. Being flustered wasn’t something I normally felt; some might even say my confidence bordered on being cocky, yet seeing her when Iwasn’t expecting it caught me off guard. Not enough to change my plans, in fact, I changed my plan to now take full advantage of the opportunity that had presented itself.
She wore black leggings and a white tunic top with long sleeves covering her bandaged arm and tattoos, with her long blond hair pulled back in a single braid down her back. Kendi was behind her, talking animatedly with her hands while they waited to get their trays from the start of the line. She smiled with Kendi, the two of them having obviously formed a strong bond in such a short amount of time. Raelynn laughed openly at something Kendi had said, not paying any attention to Brandon, who kept looking back at her from the front of the line with Thomas. I was glad to see the orderly was taking his assignment seriously; some staff would have easily let laziness take over and neglected to keep the patients in line.
I grabbed a tray and stayed back while the group made it through the line. They were serving Italian tonight, baked ziti with garlic bread and steamed vegetables. While waiting in the shorter line for a drink, Kendi walked ahead of Rae, having selected hers faster than her friend. Raelynn was held up, looking like she was having a serious mental debate with the decision between sweet tea or plain water, her brow furrowed behind her glasses in concentration. I knew I would be kicking myself later for approaching her, but I couldn’t stop myself. She was a burning flameand I was a moth, intent on getting closer to her even if it meant destroying myself in the process.
Sliding up behind her, dwarfing her in my shadow, I inhaled her freshly washed hair, fantasizing for a moment about what type of shampoo she used outside of the hospital. Would she have a unique scent? Different from the sterile odorless products that all the patients were provided with. Was she a fruity girl, or did she prefer floral aromas? She was oblivious to my presence directly behind her as she reached for a disposable cup.
“What’s the hold up, Miss Devlin?” I asked quietly in her ear, low enough that if she had been holding her tray, it would have spilled with how badly she jumped. The goosebumps on her neck were visible as she turned her head, trying to regain her composure.
“Simply trying to decide if the extra sugar is worth it tonight, Mr. Bradshaw,” She grabbed the plastic cup she had been reaching for before I startled her and filled it with crushed ice and plain water. “What are you doing here so late? I’ve never seen you in the cafeteria before.”
“Laziness, pure laziness. I was working late and didn’t want to stop to pick up dinner on the way home. Would you like to eat with me?”
“Is that allowed?” She snapped a lid on her water before placing it on her tray next to her plate.
“There’s no rule against it, so you’re free to join me. That is, if you want to.”
Raelynn smiled and lifted her eyes to meet mine over the rim of her black glasses, causing my dick to start to grow hard at how she looked looking up at me. “I think I’d like that,” she finally said. I accepted the truth after our first session together that she was a radiantly beautiful woman. Getting to know her on a more intimate level only fed my desire for her —as unethical as it may be.
I led her over to a table apart from where her hallmates were already sitting, divided by gender, noting the glance Kendi shot her as we walked past them towards the corner of the room away from the window. A slight blush still painted her cheeks as we took our seats at the more secluded table.
“I didn’t realize head shrinking could cause you to work so late,” She said as she took a bite of her ziti, leaving a tiny amount of sauce on the corner of her lips, her tongue darting out to lick it away in a manner that made less than professional thoughts cross my mind.
“It’s the oven time, it’s a bitch to nail it down so that the skin won't crack during the shrinking process.”
“You may want to try oiling it a little better, to help it from drying out,” she smiled slyly, “or so I heard.” The more comfortable she became around me, the more she contradicted the quiet and reserved nature Jessica had noted on her chart after her first group therapy session. I could tell in the few sessions we’d had so far that she held things close to her chest, secrets and a darknessthat she wasn’t willing to share with just anyone. Once she was in a group setting, her mask would slip into place almost perfectly.
Raelynn wasn’t a fake person; she simply housed two personalities in one body. Two sides of the same coin, both just as fascinating to interact with. I wondered if she craved to let go of the control she held over herself. If she were willing to be dominated by someone who wouldn’t just take care of her in private, but protect her in every situation and teach her how to do it herself. The thought of dominating her, of her trusting me to hold that kind of power over her, made my cock harden against my zipper. I should have felt bad, imagining her on her knees before me; she was my patient after all, but the guilt never came.
“Have you been able to make any progress with my journals?” She asked, taking another bite of her food.
“I think I’ve made it through about half of your high school years. I hadn’t expected them to be as detailed as they are. You have quite the flair for writing dramatic fictional pieces too. More morbid than I ever would have guessed from someone who doesn’t have a background in committing homicide.”
