“I guess you have a point,” I sighed, relenting to her logic. Kendi’s ability to remain level-headed when I felt like the world was imploding around me was remarkable.
“When is your next session with him?”
“Tomorrow after breakfast—according to my schedule.”
“I don’t think this should wait until tomorrow. We can see if one of the nurses can reach out to him. Even if you can just speak to him on the phone, it might be better than nothing. You said he was the one who had your ex banned when he showed up before, correct? ”
“Yes, Daxton was in the visitors’ area when I had a full-blown panic attack,” my face heated remembering the incident, the humiliation of it.
“What’s the matter?” She asked, noticing my flaming scarlet cheeks.
“It was humiliating. Have you seen my therapist?”
“Which one is he again? I’ve seen a lot of them, but to be honest, I rarely pay attention unless it’s someone I’ve met in one of the sessions before.”
“My therapist would be hard to forget. He looks like he stepped out of a Greek God romance novel. And he saw the whole mortifying ordeal.”
She laughed lightly, obviously amused by the matter. “I know who you’re talking about. He’s definitely one of a kind around here. I’ve seen him with Brandon before. I think he’s his therapist as well.”
“Well, now you understand my humiliation. Why couldn’t an ugly therapist bear witness to it?”
“I’m sure it will be fine, Rae. You’ve already had one session with him so far, right?”
“Yeah, we had our first one yesterday.”
“And how did it go?”
“It went fine. He’s a little too intent on wanting to figure me out, but overall, I think it was okay.” Using the phrase “a little” when describing him was putting it mildly at best.
“Then I think your best bet is to continue opening up with him. Talk to him about it this morning. He’s already had him banned, so he must believe you on some level; otherwise, why put in the extra effort? If he believed your psycho ex over you, he’d probably be pushing some type of mediation instead of banning him from visiting you.” She gently rubbed my left arm as I took in her words. She was being reasonable with her suggestions, and deep inside, I knew it made sense. Kendi was only offering them to be helpful, not to make me uncomfortable by accepting help.
“I will,” I said, feeling slightly better after talking with her. Kendi made it easy to feel accepted, even though I didn’t confess my thoughts that I felt Craig was right on some level, not wanting to burden her with all my self-deprecating internal struggle. That she was willing to help shoulder some of the weight was more than helpful; it wasn’t right to put everything on her.
Until breakfast, we spent time discussing her artwork in her photos. I didn’t know much about the art industry or any of the slang terms she used, but I enjoyed learningabout her passion. The way her words flowed when she spoke about each piece was enchanting.
When it was a few minutes until it was time for us to line up at our doors for the headcount, I went back to my room to get my socks to walk around in and to wash my face off from the dried tears. The cold water offered sharp relief from the depression I could feel on the outskirts, trying to force its way in.
October 31st 2020
Halloween has always been my favorite holiday. The costumes, the scary movies, the candy, the haunted houses. Seriously, there just isn’t a downside to the holiday.
Traditionally, for my birthday, since it falls on the 13th of November, a group of friends and I would book a tour at one of our favorite haunted houses. This year, I invited Craig to go with us. We always have a good time when we get together, so I wanted to include him in the fun. The place we go to doesn’t just do the basic haunted house. They have food trucks and vendors set up as well. The deep-fried Oreos are by far my favorite.
Unfortunately, I had to cancel my evening with them. Craig reminded me of how they were talking about me during the 4th of July cookout. Even though work has been fine—normal even—he insisted they weren’t real friends and that he would take me for my birthday. This was the first birthday I’ve celebrated with him after all, and he wanted to make it special
He secured us tickets to my favorite haunted house—the same one I was planning to go to with my friends, only on a different night. We had watched plenty of horror movies together when we had datenights, since they were my favorite. He had told me before that they weren’t his favorite, but he liked watching them with me because it made me happy.
I had no idea how much he hated the holiday until we went to the haunted house together. The actors did an amazing job as usual, taking us on a tour through the house, the barn, and the field around the haunted mansion. After the tour was over, I asked him if we could get some food, a haunted house tradition of mine. But he said he was so miserable he just wanted to go home, that one of the actors had touched him and made him uncomfortable.
I felt so bad that he had such a horrible time that I offered to drive us home so he could rest and try to get rid of his headache. On the way home, he made it known to me that he thought anyone who enjoyed the holiday was immature and was glad I only went to please my friends and not because he thought I actually enjoyed the event. I didn’t have it in me to tell him I was usually the one who made the plans for everyone.
Chapterthirteen
The Phoenix
September 26th 2023
Breakfast was uneventful. I let Kendi and Thelma carry on most of the conversation, mentally taxed from the morning's events and trying to prepare myself for my talk with Daxton afterward. I didn’t eat as much as I should have; my stomach is still feeling the effects after getting sick this morning. Luckily, none of the nurses heard the ordeal in the bathroom, so I was able to go about my day as normal instead of being kept in my room from fear of spreading an illness.
