Warmth fills my chest and I walk over to him, then lower myself into his lap and rest my cheek on his shoulder. “Yes, I’ve been more anxious about this whole thing than I’ve been willing to admit, but you’re not responsible for someone else’s actions.”
Julien wraps his arms around my waist and buries his nose in my hair. “If I haven’t said it enough, I’m happy you’re here and I’m so glad I found you. Regardless of what anyone else thinks, I’m not letting you go.”
“I’m coming to realize that,” I say, then softly add, “Thanks for not giving up on me. I’ve never had that before.”
“Thanks for supporting me with the elders, even though I haven’t done the best job of returning the favor,” says Julien. “I promise I’ll do better from now on.”
I chuckle, the sound barely more than a puff of breath. “You and me against the world?”
“If that’s what it takes, then yes.Always.”
Forty-One
Keir
Asingleconversationcan’tsolve every problem. My standing here in Madison with the pack—and with Julien—might feel a little more solid at the moment, but that doesn’t mean everything is instantly fixed. Besides the fact that there’s still the whole male pregnancy issue and figuring out what to do about Ben, William is going to need to be dealt with.
I haven’t been here long enough to truly understand the dynamic between Julien and the elders, but I know it’s not good for the pack. But that’s an issue we can deal with later. William isn’t going anywhere.
I’m not passing up this opportunity to steal a little cuddle time with my mate. So, I just sit here in Julien’s lap, his arms curled around me, as we simply enjoy each other’s presence. The mating bond is a cheerful hum under my skin as the closeness helps cement it even further.
Emotional intimacy is just as important as physical, and that’s something Julien and I haven’t had enough time to build. I still have doubts, but that’s more because of my general sense of unworthiness than anything Julien has done. I believe Julien when he says he’ll never leave me, but it will definitely take some time before all the programing of my past lets me believe I reallydeserveto be here.
There’s no critic quite like the one in my own head.
After a few minutes of silent cuddling, Julien nuzzles at my neck. “What problem do you want to tackle first?” he asks, his breath brushing across my ear. “Or maybe we can just kick everyone out and go back to bed?”
I chuckle, closing my eyes and leaning into his touch. “I think we’d both feel better if we went ahead and dealt with William. If you kick him out, he’ll only come back later. We might as well figure out what the hell he wants now.”
“He wants me to follow along like a good little puppet as he tugs my strings,” mumbles Julien.
“Probably true,” I say. “But it’s time you put that idea out of his head once and for all. Your mom told me how this whole thing with the elders started and it’s admirable that you want to keep the peace or whatever, but catering to their whims isn’t a good long-term plan.”
Julien sighs. “They never would have pulled this shit with my dad.”
“Maybe, maybe not. They only pull it with you because you have a history of appeasing them and they think they can get away with it.” I turn around, straddling his legs, and cup his face with my hands. “The council of elders isn’t the strength of this pack.Youare. They might be here to help you, but you don’tneedtheir approval.”
His blue eyes soften, and he leans forward, pressing a soft kiss to my lips. “Does it make me weak if I say I really needed to hear that?” His gaze goes to his lap. “After my dad… I’ve been so terrified I’d mess up, that something I did would bring the entire pack down. That’s why I’ve let the elders have so much say. Mom’s been trying to tell me that, but I was too stubborn to listen.”
“It’s a good thing you have me then.” I wink.
Julien growls playfully. “Yes, it is. Your ‘council’ is worth ten times more than anything the elders have to say.”
My brows draw together. “I don’t know if I’d go quite that far. I don’t know much about running a pack, but after having a front-row seat to the rougher side of pack politics, I can see the benefits of having some ways to check an Alpha’s power.”
“What do you mean?”
“My… I’ll just call him ‘dad’ otherwise it’ll get too confusing. He was Randall’s brother, the two of them only a couple years apart, but my father was never happy with his position as second. He waited, biding his time until Randall was injured on a hunt, then challenged for control of the pack. Unfortunately—or maybe fortunately since I have no idea what kind of Alpha he might have been—Randall’s injury didn’t prevent him from winning the challenge.” A shudder travels down my back, and Julien tightens his arms around me in response. “And my old pack follows the doctrines of blood debt.”
“I’ve heard the term before, but what exactly does that mean?”
“Basically, Randall won the challenge, therefore my dad had to pay in blood and Randall got to choose the method by which the debt was paid. Randall beat my dad repeatedly, until he was unable to heal, then Randall forced him to shift and skinned him alive in front of the entire pack. Once he completely removed the pelt, Randall mounted my dad’s decapitated head on a spike in the center of the compound.”
“Shit…” Julien whispers, his voice a little shaky as he pulls me closer. “Is that all?”
I shake my head. “No. If I hadn’t been beaten almost to death and kicked out the next night, I would have been expected to either challenge Randall myself or demonstrate my loyalty to him…a hand raised against the Alpha shall be removed.” I sigh and flex the fingers of my right hand. “Even if it was my dad who challenged Randall, he was dead, so that debt would fall on his blood—me. Well, we all thought I was his blood at the time anyway.”
“If you hadn’t gotten out when you did…” Julien intertwines his fingers with mine and pulls my hands up, pressing his lips to the back of them. “I never thought I’d begratefulfor them nearly killing you.”
