The irony wasn’t lost on me. Just hours before, I’d wrestled with her not to reveal our presence to Lucifer, or any of these men. But that was when I still believed Gall was only holding his course out of fear.
Now…
‘This is bad, Yilan. Really, really bad.’
‘I know. It’s so much worse than I thought.’
She drew me away from that circle of self-congratulating men, their cruel words about myidiotson—and Lucifer’s sly smiles.
Then, she drew me through that cesspit of a palace, and into my old chambers, where we fell into each other’s arms, out of pure desperation and fear.
6. How Far Will You Go?
~ DIADRE ~
I still trembled when we returned to Jann’s chambers after that horrible ritual. Caelan took one look at me, and her eyes widened. She rushed forward as Jann removed the leash, taking my arm and murmuring about a seat, and a bath, some nourishing food. Even thoughallof those things greatly appealed, I pulled gently from her grip, shaking my head. I didn’t want to be alone.
“My Lady Diadre—”
“Cae, leave us for the evening,” Jann growled. “Take the night off. We’ll see you in the morning. Go. Now.”
Caelan jerked because Jann had spoken sharply to her, which was very unlike him. I knew she was confused. She had no idea what we’d just witnessed, or what Jann faced. He’d kept her out of the loop to keep all of us safe—including her. If she knew nothing, she could betray nothing. She also couldn’t be leveraged for information she didn’t have.
I knew she’d noticed that he was less open with her since I’d arrived, but I prayed she took it as a result of the awful changes going on among the Golden Eyes, the Nephilim nobility.
“Don’t worry,” I murmured to her, patting her warm hand with my trembling one. “Just go. We’ll see you in the morning.”
She blinked, but then nodded and curtseyed. Then hurried from the room. I sighed at the worried expression on her features, as she slowed to close the door so it wouldn’t slam. She had a small chamber just down the hall, so it was easy to call her if needed. I prayed she’d be able to rest as I turned back to Jann—then startled because he’d moved in that silent way he had, and now loomed over me unexpectedly.
I was twitchy on the best of days among the Neph, but after that night, every nerve ending in my body was frayed. I gave a small shriek when I found myself in the shadow of his massive body, clutching one hand to my throat before I realized it was him.
“Holy shit!”
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.”But even though the words were kind, Jann’s normally sunny countenance was dark. He stood over me, looking around the room as if he still half-expected an attack, even here in his chambers.
“It’s okay. I’m just… jumpy.” Putting one shaking hand to his chest, I blew out a breath and shook my head.
Jann sighed audibly, and put his hand over mine. “What do you need? Are you feeling sick? I know you’re tired. I’ll call for some fruit and meat. You’ll need—”
“Jann, it’s fine. I’m fine.”
I squirmed under his scrutiny. He’d been told by the Fallen that I was pregnant. He was ecstatic, and terrified. My mate believed his bloodline was cursed, and that if I bore him a Nephilim son, he would die before the babe was five years old.
I didn’t know what to believe.
I’d been suspicious the Fallen was lying about my pregnancy since the initial shock wore off. Jann was certain he wasn’t, because it was such an important issue to the Fallen, he didn’t believe Lucifer had any good reason to lie about it.
I wasn’t as sure. Apart from some weariness—which was entirely normal, given the travel we’d done recently—I didn’t feel anything. It also had to be so early that I likely wouldn’t have signs yet…
Whether it was true or not, Jann believed it. He’d taken to treating me like his favorite sweet when we were in public, and as if I was made of fragile glass when we were alone.
Now he hovered, frowning. I could feel his tension in the bond, and petted his chest.
“Why don’t we go take a bath?” I asked him quietly. “I don’t know about you, but after that, I feel like I need it.” I shuddered, grimacing as visions of that horrific ritual swam to mind, and I fought to push them away.
I’d learned long ago as a soldier, that death wasn’t just a disturbing sight, but full of terrible sounds and smells as well. No one ever told you how to rinse your nostrils of the copper tang of blood.
“I’m fine, but I’ll run it for you,” Jann said quickly, but he sounded distracted as he turned for the bathing room within his chambers, grasping my wrist and tugging me after him. I resisted, and he turned back to face me, surprised. “Is something wrong?”
