The wind had begun to pick up, rain spitting down on them in small but enthusiastic droplets. Nora’s feet stopped beneath her on the beach, her shoes submerged in cold, soggy sand. She tossed her hood over her head and wrapped her coat tighter around her torso. Between the wind, the hour, and their distance from the house, they could speak freely, though Nora could barely dredge up the energy to say a thing. Unfortunately, Charlie didn’t have the same problem.
“All right, so how do we do this?” he asked. His hands were shoved in his pockets, his face as keen and sober as Nora hadseen it. “Do you, like, have to say S.C.Y.T.H.E. in the mirror three times to summon them or something?”
“They’re not Beetlejuice,” said Nora. “It’s a corporation. You have to call them. Like, on the phone.”
“Okay, cool, cool. And you have their number?”
Nora nodded and turned away, walking even farther up the beach. Charlie stumbled after her, Jessica in his arms.
“Okay, so, like—”
“Charlie.” Nora stopped moving again. Or at least she stopped walking. The rest of her kicked into overdrive. Her hands began to shake, her eyes suddenly stinging with entirely unwelcome tears. “I can’t.”
“Right, because of the no phone thing. So we borrow a car and get you to a phone.”
“No.” The first tear tore loose and traced the soft contour of Nora’s cheek. “I can’t do this. I can’t turn this place in.”
“What are you talking about?”
Nora tried to steady her breathing, but hearing her own ragged inhale only made it worse. “I’m not like you, Charlie.”
Charlie gave her a look that said, “Duh,” but Nora shook her head.
“No, I mean…this place. Charlie. I need it.”
“I don’t get it.”
“No, you don’t, that’s just it. You don’t know what it’s like to be afraid. Mom and Dad died and it was like you suddenly became fearless. You did everything. And everyone. But I…I’m not built like that. Losing them, it just made me see what a horrifying world we live in. But this place, it means I don’t have to be afraid. I know what Oliver said, but he’s bitter and lonely. It doesn’t haveto be like that. I could make a life here, Charlie, forever. I would never have to worry again.”
Charlie stared at her for a moment, and for the second time in their lives she couldn’t read his look. “Wow,” he said. “That’s…that’s what you think?”
“I—”
“Nor, I’m not fearless. I’m terrified. Like, all the time.”
“What?”
“Yeah.”
“But the way you live…”
“I’m not scared of death, Nora,” he clarified. “There’s no point. It’s always gonna happen in the end. But after Mom and Dad died, I became terrified of not living. Like, as far as I knew, Mom and Dad were these nice but boring people who just kinda settled down in the suburbs and that was that. Then the chance to be anything else was taken from them. Honestly, learning they had all these secrets made me feel a lot better about that. But I promised myself when it all happened that I wouldn’t let myself go to the grave with regrets, and the only thing I ever seemed to regret was not trying something.”
Nora swallowed hard. The wind swept her hood off her head, her hair back from her face, the cold pulling a flush of pink to her cheeks and nose. Charlie was as ruddy as his sister by this point, his bleached hair falling into his eyes, weighed down by the rain.
“I’m not…I can’t…”
“I know.” Charlie put a hand on her shoulder. “But I think you’re braver than you think you are.”
She shook her head. “I feel it, all the time.” Nora was sobbing now. She didn’t know when she’d properly started and didn’t much care. “It’s like this weight. Being afraid. It’s like I carry itaround on my back, and, Charlie, it’s so heavy. Like if I don’t stay one step ahead of life, it’s going to catch up and take everything from me. Mom, Dad, Bubbie, you.”
“But, Nor,” said Charlie. “Then you’re letting it takeyouinstead.”
Nora felt her feet sink deeper, the wet sand gripping her like quicksand. She could feel herself being swallowed as much by Charlie’s words as by the hungry earth. He was right, which always came as a shock when it happened. She had spent so long trying to protect the lives of those around her, including her own, that she’d all but stopped living. In a sense, she had sacrificed life in exchange for existence.
Fuck. Maybe Charliewasthe smart one.
“I have to do this, don’t I?” Even as she said it, she knew it was true. Either live forever knowing she’d let her brother die, or save Charlie and return to the life she knew and feared and never properly gave a chance. That’s what it boiled down to. Those were her only options now. “I have to do this.”
