“Duties to the emperor.” He didn’t have duties to her, despite their connection, and the reminder stung. She shouldn’t have been hurt by it, all things considered, but she couldn’t help the pain that stemmed throughout her body from her cracked heart.
“It’s not wrong to have loyalties. Something you lack.”
“I have loyalties,” she said heatedly. “Just not to Drakkon Muyang.”
“Or me,” he said with a bitter scoff. “You’re loyal to no one but yourself, princess.”
“That’s not true. I’m loyal—” She released a frustrated sigh. “I’m loyal to people, Nikator. I was loyal to you in the sense that I wasn’t with anyone else and I had no plans to be with anyone but you. I didn’t want to betray you.”
“Liar,” he hissed.
“I’m not lying! I only ever wanted you.” Her voice wavered at the admission and she hated that he didn’t believe her. She was in love with him, but she couldn’t tell him that. She doubted he would believe her with something as weighty as that. If he rejected her love, she was sure something within her would forever break.
Silence steeped between them; not the pleasant kind they used to handle together back in the palace, where she would paint and practice her calligraphy while he quietly watched. This kind of silence stung, burned her flesh, and made her throat tight.
In the corner of her vision, she took notice of something red and glowing. Her head whipped to the side and she stifled a scream at the sight of two slitted scarlet eyes peering at her through the shadows of the trees.
She pointed to the radiant eyes, voice shrill. “There’s?—”
It rushed toward them and Biyu screamed.
Nikator braced his forearm against her stomach, pulling her flush against his chest. His breath warmed her ear. “Calm yourself, it’s only a fox spirit.”
The creature didn’t leave the shadows and she couldn’t make out the outline of it. She had heard of fox spirits; they usually transformed into beautiful women to lure male travelers close enough to eat them. They were dangerous tricksters. She had never encountered one before.
“Why are you so calm?” she whispered, not taking her eyes off the glowing pair glaring at them.
The horse didn’t even flinch, continuing its canter. Nikator’s arm remained locked over her belly, and she couldn’t even think about how warm he felt. How intimate this felt.
“Because it knows that I’ll kill it if it approaches us. It’s been following us since last night.”
“Since last night?” She couldn’t hide her incredulousness. “Why didn’t I notice?”
“You were asleep. It was calling to me all night once you fell asleep.”
“And you resisted its charm?”
He made a low throaty sound of disapproval. “Are you kidding me? It’s not hard to resist when you know it’s a monster, and even less so when?—”
When he didn’t say anything, she twisted around just enough so she could catch a glimpse of his wistful expression as he peered down at her.
His throat bobbed, the area around his eyes tightening. “Even less so when you’re near,” he finished softly—so soft she almost didn’t hear him. “How can anyone tempt me when you are all I need?”
Biyu’s heart hammered and she forced herself to stare straight ahead; they were sweet words spoken like a curse, and yet she could hear the longing in his voice. The way he hated to admit it, yet couldn’t deny it. She closed her eyes and tried not to think about how she had broken his heart with her betrayal. How she had ruined everything between them.
She slid her hands into her pocket and stilled as her fingers brushed over the jade pendant she had bought while thinking of him. She couldn’t imagine giving it to him now.
Wouldn’t she stir his ire even more when she fled from him again? This time, somewhere he wouldn’t be able to find her? Somewhere far away where they would never see each other again?
A lump formed in her throat and she didn’t want to say anything more. Eventually, the shining eyes of the fox spirit stopped following them, leaving them alone to their own thoughts.
They finally tooka break in the middle of the day near a stream; the horse, but mostly Biyu, needed a moment to breathe. She leaned against a tree and closed her aching eyes. She was bone weary; she hadn’t realized riding a horse could be this draining and painful. Her lower back was especially sore, as was her bottom. All the books she had read had never mentioned this.
She rolled her thumbs over the pressure points on her lower back along her spine. She didn’t want to complain to Nikator, but she didn’t need to. He was already shaking his head at her as he fed the horse. She shot him a glare. It wasn’t her fault she wasn’t used to any of this. She had never gone outside the palace gates in her whole life!
She was sure the cruel man would have kept riding on without a care about her comfort if the horse hadn’t shown signs of wanting to eat.
Nikator tossed a small bag in her direction. Biyu caught it before it could smack her in the nose. She lowered it with another scowl. “What was that for?”
