Some sort of relief pooled in her chest—at the validation that it wasn’t fair—but it vanished with his next words.
“But it’s better than the alternative, princess.”
Her brows furrowed. “What’s that? Death?”
“Yes. What do you think normally happens when someone usurps the throne? Do you think the rest of the royal family ever lives? You should be grateful Muyang didn’t murder you.He could never hurt children, which is why he let you all live, despite the insistence from everyone in his council.”
Biyu couldn’t stop the hysterical, cutting laugh that broke from her. “Oh, so I should be grateful that he allowed me to live and be a prisoner in what used to be my home? What else am I supposed to do? Kiss his feet? Thank him for sparing me?”
There was a challenge in his eyes. “Yes, I think so. But instead, you tried to kill him. He gave you and Liqin a way out.”
“Through marriage to dangerous people? I’m sure that was very generous of him!” She blinked back the tears threatening to spill. “He sent Liqin off to be married to some assassin and he was about to marry me off to an inconsiderate, abusive man who would have treated me like a prisoner in his bed and in his home! How is that freedom, Nikator? Should I thank him for that?”
“He’s trying! For fuck’s sake, what do you want him to do?” he roared, slamming his fist on his thigh. “Politically he can’t let you go and do whatever you want! If you both married respectable people who are close to him and won’t move against him, he could have let you live in peace! You both have reached that age.”
“Wu Jian isnotrespectable.”
“He’s a liar, and I’m sure Muyang would have figured that out sooner or later,” he gritted out. “But that’s not the point. The point is that he didn’t lock you away and make you a political prisoner because he wanted to. He didn’t have much choice in the matter. I agree that he might not have handled it in the best way, but he wasn’t cruel to you. He allowed you privileges. That’s more than most rulers would do.”
“Do you hear yourself right now? I was a prisoner! He made it so I had no choice but to attack him and change my own fate. You would have done the same!”
“You had a choice, and it didn’t include me … orus,” he snarled the words like they meant nothing, but the weight of them hung in the thick air between them.
Biyu’s lips trembled and a lump formed in her throat. Suddenly, all of her anger deflated and she could only stare at him. He looked away first, letting out a ragged breath and brushing another hand through his hair roughly. She didn’t miss the hurt on his face, nor the tightness of his expression.
She had betrayed him in more than one way. She had schemed and attacked the man who had raised him. She had put his loved ones in danger. And she had ruined their relationship.
Truth be told, she wasn’t entirely sure if Drakkon Muyang was evil anymore. She thought back to how his wife, Yin Daiyu, had stared at him lovingly, the way he had caressed her pregnant belly, the way the Peccata spoke his name so casually, how he had given her a kitten when she was depressed, how he had stayed by her side until she overcame that dark period in her life.
But His Majesty had killed Yat-sen; that fact remained. Though, as much as it pained her, she could see the justification behind it. Especially now that his wife was pregnant, he likely wanted to eradicate anyone who posed a threat to himself, to his rule, and to his growing family—and Yat-sen had tried to kill him. And so had she.
He would be ruthless with her. She knew that as a fact.
Her emotions were confusing and conflicting, and she didn’t know what to believe anymore.
“Nikator,” she whispered. “I … I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
He flinched, like the words burned him, and then narrowed his eyes at her. “Don’t lie to me.” There was an uncharacteristic tremor in his voice, but it quickly steeled itself with his next words. “You did what you had to do—what youbelieveyou had to do.”
“And what would have happened otherwise? Would you have rescued me from my fate, or would you have stood by while I continued to suffer in silence? Would you have allowed His Majesty to marry me off to Wu Jian?” She blinked rapidly to keep the tears at bay and had to stare up at the star speckled night sky to hold herself together. She exhaled shakily. She hated the pain, the aching, that was so obvious in her tone. She hated how weak and small she sounded, and she hated that she couldn’t conceal her emotions from him—or from the bond like he could. “I was tired of always being a prisoner. I wanted true freedom. Running away wouldn’t have granted me that. I needed to ensure that no one would ever chase me down. You have to understand! You wouldn’t have rescued me. I know it. You … you hated me for a long, long time. I couldn’t trust you—I … I still can’t.”
The rest of the words she wanted to share caught in her throat. She twisted the edge of the blanket. He continued to stare at her blankly from across the fire, watching her with those gleaming sapphire eyes of his. She usually loved to see the mischief that lay there, the steel, the glimmer that told her he was admiring her—but all of that was gone. It was back to how they used to be; only a hard glint remained, like he didn’t even know her.
When he remained silent, her voice broke again. “Well? Please say something.”
“You already decided in your mind that I would do nothing for you. You didn’t even think to ask me, because you thought I didn’t care. You still think I’m a fucking monster, princess.” The light in his eyes faded and only darkness swirled in the depths of his void-like eyes. “You made your choice and it didn’t include me. I was just an obstacle … no, atool.”
He was partly right—she didn’t think he would do anything. But how could he blame her for that when they had beenenemies for so long? The implication hung in the air and she tightened her hold on her blanket. “Are you saying that you would have done something?”
“Of course I would have helped you!” He pounded a fist on his chest—on his heart. Rage simmered beneath the surface of his barely controlled mask. She could feel it radiating through their bond, visceral and volatile. “I would have set the world at your feet if only you had asked!”
“Why do I have toaskfor your help? Why couldn’t you have justgivenit?”
“Because I didn’t know you were working on a timeline! You didn’t say anything to me. I was going to ask Muyang if he could—” He cut himself off with a head shake, his lips curled back. “You didn’t even think that I would do anything for you. And you still think I hated you? I’ve told you time and time again that I’ve never hated you and you still don’t believe me.”
Biyu couldn’t hold back the tears that rolled down her cheeks. He watched the tears with a stricken expression, turning away sharply. Was what he was saying true? She would have been freed if only she had asked him? It made all of this sound so futile. Her resistance, her struggles, everything she and Yat-sen had gone through.
She had made a mistake in trying to kill Drakkon Muyang, but it was too late for apologies now, because even if he wasn’t entirely an evil man, he was vicious when it came to his family. And she had threatened it.
