Ben still had no idea that his wife had made investments worth over a million dollars without him.
That thought made me smirk to myself as I put on my shoes. As long as I didn’t cash any of it in before our divorce, he’d never get a penny of it because it was technically in a trust.
“We should hit the liquor store too just incase you’re not preggers.” Lily suggested and led me to her car. “And junk food incase you are.”
· · - ·?· - · ·
“It’s going to be fine. You are going to be a great mom.” Lily rubbed my back and tried to calm me down as I puked and sobbed into the toilet.
“Why now?” I moaned. Lily didn’t supply a magical explanation for all my woes; she just hummed quietly and rubbed my back.
“I’m not going to be able to get rid of him… no judge would even award a divorce in the middle of a pregnancy.” I continued.
“You don’t need to tell him right away. You can get properly separated before you tell him.” Lily said quietly. “Definitely not before you’ve even seen a doctor, met with a lawyer, or decided your next steps... and you do have choices if this really isn’t what you want.”
“I can’t…” I mumbled and finally pulled away from the toilet fully. I closed the lid, flushed, and brushed my teeth quickly before trudging back to the living room.
“If I had a financial or health reason, maybe, but truthfully, if I’d taken this test last week, I would have been ecstatic." I flopped down on the couch, "I won't end a pregnancy just because my husband turned out to be a cheating asshole.” I took a deep, shuddering breath. “Grams would’ve been so excited.”
Lily wrapped her arms around me again and squeezed, “I'm sure sheisexcited.”
I swallowed hard and nodded as I tried to blink away more tears.
“I don’t understand why he choseherover saying goodbye to Grams… What kind of man would do something like that? I feel like I don't know the man I married." I pulled back from her embrace. “How can I trust that he’d even be here for a child?”
“I don’t know. I never thought Ben was... right for you." Lily said with caution. This had been a heated topic several times over the years. I had tried to explain that Ben justneededto be the provider because his father had abandoned his mother and him, but Lily couldn't stand when Ben tried to control or limit my career choices, and she had never been shy with her thoughts. Even going so far as to confront him on more than one occasion. The memory of her telling him to get over his daddy issues came to mind.
"I do know that with or without him, your child will have plenty of love,” Lily assured me.
I nodded and let my mind wander again. I tried to reimagine my future-my dreams-with my new reality. Instead of a future with Ben I pictured my life with a tiny human by my side. I smiled a sincere smile, for the first time in a week, as I pictured a birthday party with my friends and family all singing as a little faceless child blew out candles on a cake.
“You’re right…” I leaned my head on her shoulder. “Now, how about that junk food?”
“I’ll grab that… and my wine.”
“Bitch.” I grumbled with a playful smile.
Lily came back with the snacks, a bottle of wine, and a bottle of sparkling juice. We put on some trash reality TV and spent the next two hours laughing and joking about other people’s lives.
· · - ·?· - · ·
The next morning, I woke up on the couch and was temporarily confused about how I had gotten there. The sudden reemergence of morning sickness brought me back to reality, and Lily woke with a start when I flung myself from the couch and ran for the bathroom.
“Melanie?” She called after me. She didn’t follow me into the bathroom this time, and when I shuffled into the kitchen a few minutes later, I found her standing by the counter bickering with my coffee machine.
“What the hell is wrong with this thing?” she grumbled.
“I don’t know. Ben said it was the fanciest on the market.” I rolled my eyes. “I’m not sure he even knows how to use it.”
I started messing with the settings. I didn’t know how to use all of them, but I had figured out how to make a normal pot of coffee. When Ben insisted on buying the contraption, he swore he was going to learn how to make fancy drinks, like lattes and espresso… instead, I was the one who made our plain coffee every morning.
How did he have coffee while I was gone?
Probably Angel-la
My inner voice was the worst mean-girl version of myself before coffee.
“Are you allowed to have coffee?” Lily asked as I pulled two mugs from the cabinet. I scowled and set the mugs down with more force than necessary.
