“Family? Including?” I asked slowly, but in my gut, I already knew the answer.
“My wife and daughter will be coming too.” Kyle sneered at me, and I forced a smile on my face.
“You’re married? To each other—that’s great!”
Lily snorted, “If that piss-poor attempt was your version of lying now then you've made me believe in prison reform.”
“Thanks… I think?” I shook my head. This was going to be a long week.
· · - ·?· - · ·
They had picked a beautiful spot to bury Grama Barb. It was sunny, well maintained, and her headstone was surrounded by her favorite flowers.
Barbara Olsen
Loved beyond measure.
“Hey Barbara, I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner. I’ve been a little…” I sighed and sat down in the grass.
The leaves rustled as a gentle breeze swept through the cemetery. We had been back in town for less than twenty-four hours before I asked Melanie if she could show me where Gram was buried.
She had dropped me off here and told me to call when I was ready to go home.
Home.
A small word with a huge meaning.
A place that I didn’t have anymore.
“What I really want to apologize for is not being here for the funeral.” I admitted quietly. “That has been my second largest regret, after hurting your granddaughter.”
“I got your letters. I read them over and over again. Some days, the early ones, before I messed up—just about killed meto read.” I sucked in a breath and felt my eyes prickle. “I think that's why I kept reading them. I needed to feel that pain."
It had taken years for the prison therapist to get me to admit just how badly losing her respect and love had hurt me.
"I hate that I took your love for granted and that I destroyed the love you had for the little boy I once was. The worst part was knowing that you carried the guilt of my actions to the grave. You didn’t deserve to leave this earth feeling like you'd betrayed your granddaughter.
I hope you know that she forgave you and never stopped loving you.
You weren’t the coward, Gram… I was.
I always thought there would be infinite tomorrows for me to become a better man… to love Mel better. I used to tell her I’d love her more… tomorrow. As if I had been making some kind of vow to be a better man, eventually.
It took destroying the love she had for me to realize I’d been too selfish to truly love anyone.”
I was openly sobbing and brushed away the tears with an angry swipe across my face.
"But I promise i'm going to love my girl more than I love myself, today andeverytomorrow. I know I let you down, but Iswear that I’m going to be the man you thought I could be…I couldn't be that man for Melanie, but I'm going to be that father for Anna.
That’s our daughter. You’d fucking love her, Gram… she’s… she’s the best parts of Melanie—all her strength without any of the weight from the pain I caused.
God, I hope you’re able to watch from up there. I hope you can see how amazing she is, how amazing they all are…
And I hope that I’m not disappointing you anymore. That I’m on the right track to becoming the man you wanted me to be. I hope when I see you again, I’ll have earned your forgiveness because I’d give anything to feel one of your hugs again.”
Warm arms wrapped around me from behind, and I jumped.
Anna and Melanie had arrived while I was talking, and Anna had wrapped her arms around me when she heard me crying. In the distance, I could see Griffin waiting by the car. Close enough to watch over his girls but far enough away to allow me a shred of dignity.
