"This morning.Toast."
"That's not food."
"It's carbs."
"It's not enough."He plates the food and brings it over, handing me a fork."Eat."
I take a bite, and it's good.Really good.Better than anything I've made for myself in months.
"This is amazing," I say.
"It's just chicken and vegetables."
"Still amazing."
He sits next to me on the couch, close enough that our thighs almost touch.I want to crawl on top of him and lose myself in his body for hours and hours.I shouldn’t be thinking these things.Not now.Not when Randall is out there somewhere, planning his next move.
But I can't stop.I want to forget what Randall’s hands felt like on me. I want to replace that with a good memory.Timothy would be a good memory.
We eat in silence for a while, and then Timothy asks, "How long were you with him?"
I set my fork down."Two years.Met him at Fort Bragg.He was charming.Funny.Everyone loved him.I thought I was lucky."
"When did it start?"
"The abuse?"I stare at my plate."About six months in.Little things at first.Controlling what I wore.Who I talked to.Where I went.I told myself it was just because he cared.Because he wanted to protect me."
"But it got worse."
"Yeah.It got worse."I take a breath."He hit me the first time after I came back from a deployment.I'd been gone for seven months, and when I got back, he accused me of cheating on him.Said I smelled different.Said I looked at him different.I told him he was being ridiculous, and he backhanded me across the face."
Timothy's jaw tightens, but he doesn't say anything.Just listens.
"I should have left then," I continue."But he apologized.Cried.Said he'd been so scared of losing me that he lost control.Promised it would never happen again."I laugh bitterly."It happened again two weeks later.And then again.And again.Until I stopped counting."
"Did you report it?"
"Once.To my CO.He told me to work it out.Said Randall was under a lot of stress.Said maybe I should try being more understanding."I look at Timothy."No one believed me.Everyone thought Randall was this great guy.This hero.And I was just the difficult girlfriend who didn't appreciate him."
"That's bullshit."
"Yeah.It is.But that's how it goes.He's Special Forces.Decorated.Respected.And I'm just some enlisted grunt who can't keep her man happy."
"Don't talk about yourself like that."
"Why not?That's what everyone else thought."
"I don't."
I meet his gaze, and there's something fierce in his eyes.“Then I started fighting back and I got thrown in the brig.”
“That’s bullshit.”
“Tell me about it.”I pick up my fork and begin to eat again.Fuck it.This meal was too good to let Randall ruin it.
"I think you're the strongest person I've ever met," he says."You survived two tours in combat.You survived an abusive relationship.You got out.You rebuilt your life from nothing.That takes guts.That takes strength most people don't have."
"I don't feel strong."
