He really was that good in bed.
That said, I needed to remain in control, to distance myself from my pesky emotions. I’d needed to get laid. It was as simple as that. If a man could do it, so could a woman. I’d simply had sex with an available man and satisfied an itch.
No sense in wrapping my heart around a physical attraction.
I slowly disengaged from Cadmus, pasted a false smile on my face, and slid out of bed.
“Ellie?”
“Thanks, Cadmus. I really needed that.” I forced myself not to run to the bathroom, conscious to keep my back to him, my face a tell-all mask of confusion, need, and worry. Stopping in front of the door, I stretched and sighed, as if pleased by the physical attention and not completely unnerved by the power he held over me.
I teased, “I’ll try not to use all the hot water.”
Then I closed the door behind me and leaned back against it. My limbs felt like rubber, and my heart beat so fast I worried it might explode.
I felt him prod subtly at my mind and concentrated to shore my mental walls.
I did not still love Cadmus Storm.
Annoyed, I nearly ripped the shower curtain from the rod and turned on the water. While I forced myself to relax, I watched the rivulets of water slowly run down the shower walls, heading toward a certain end in the drain.
“What have I done?” I feared I’d made a monumental mistake in dealing with Cadmus Storm.
Stepping into the shower, I washed him from my body, wishing I could as easily wash him from my mind. A month ago, I’d been eager to profess my love. I’d thought that two people who’d bared their souls to each other, who’d shared intimacies so profound that we’d shared each other’s thoughts, could live and love together despite our differences.
We’d shared thoughts but apparently not the same feelings. Though I could understand Cadmus’ hurt when he’d found out I had lied about me identity, his reaction had been too intense, too unforgiving for a man supposedly in love.
The rejection had felt all too familiar. Another man I loved, another push away.
Now, to top that off, I’d slept with him again. Let him into my small, uncomplicated world.
Working myself into a lather, I decided to do the same to my hair and washed it like crazy. Suds and bubbles floated around the stall as I massaged my scalp, trying to rub some reason into my growing insanity. A moment of weakness — make that two moments of weakness — and I once more found myself vulnerable to Cadmus.
Who had been the idiot to suggest he stay here with me when he could have been safely ensconced in Foreia, a world away? Oh, that’s right, I’d volunteered. Am I a sucker for pain, or what?
I shoved my head under the spray and rinsed thoroughly.
I hated to admit it, but the sex had been to-die-for. Considering he’d initiated me into the wild world of hedonism, it was no wonder I still wanted him so badly. Cadmus possessed bedroom skills that would put Casanova to shame. Those hands, that tongue.
I flushed and turned the water temperature colder.
Well, there was no turning back now. I’d declined my father’s offer to take Cadmus off my hands. And since experiencing Cadmus between the sheets again, my sex drive had firmly left its hiatus.
But sex meant nothing in the grand scheme of things, and I scrubbed harder with the lemon soap my mother had made for me. Thoughts of my mother only emphasized how wrong two different people could be for each other. Ethim and Amanda, my Djinn father and human mother, always seemed to be at odds. They had affection, enough to have created me after all.
And visits with my father normally put a sparkle in my mother’s eyes, but nothing more than that. Nothing long-lasting.
If my father found out what Cadmus and I had been doing… Not that I particularly cared, I reminded myself, but staying in Ethim’s good graces might just help my mother finally reconcile with him. Hell, it couldn’t hurt.
I stood under the warm shower and managed a plan, of sorts. Cadmus wouldn’t be here that much longer. Despite the ache at the thought, I couldn’t ignore the facts.
I had no willpower when it came to the Earth Lord, and he knew it. So I would sleep with him while keeping my heart safe. That way when everything ended and he returned to Tanselm, I would survive and perhaps even look back on this interlude with fondness.
Fondness? At least be honest with yourself. Nothing about Cadmus calls to mind fondness. Fury, lust, laughter. Sure. Fondness? Nah.
“You’re much too quiet in here.”
I stifled a shriek and turned to find a naked Cadmus watching me with steady brown eyes.
