“But sometimes I get the feeling the guys hang out with me out of pity. Like they’d rather be with their girlfriends, but because I’m single, they feel like if they don’t spend time with me, I won’t know what to do with myself.” His cheeks were red. “Sounds stupid, I know.”
“God, I feel the same way with Jed and Shannon. I love them to death, but they have their own family. They have kids! They don’t need me always hanging around, no matter how much they say they do.”
“Exactly. We’re awesome people with awesome friends, but those friends have their own lives going on. Not that you and I don’t have our own interests.”
“Right. We do.” She agreed. “I, ah… Well, I guess I don’t really have that much going on. I work. I exercise. I help out with community outreach projects. That’s pretty much it.”
He let out a breath. “Me too. I work. I go to the gym. I help with Pets Fur Life. Sounds lame.”
They stared at each other and sipped their cocoas. Watching Mack while he watched her, she heard what they’d both been saying without actually saying it. They were lonely but felt pathetic about admitting it. Having someone understand her without judging, she felt oddly shy.
“So what are we then?” she asked, trying to rid herself of the cringey feeling. “Friends? Friends with benefits? Fuck buddies or just platonic pals? What?”
He seemed to consider that before answering, “I think the sex should be a separate thing. Why not just call us friends? That’s what we are, right?”
“Okay.” She hated that she blushed.
“The sex part always gets complicated. We should only have sex when we both want to and not make a big deal of it at this point.”
Wait. Sex wasn’t a big deal?
“I mean, obviously when it comes to safety and our health, we have to be open and honest with each other. But if the sex makes it difficult for us to be friends, maybe we handle that differently. I’ve never liked the title ‘friends with benefits’ anyway. Friends always have benefits. Fuck buddies is more honest.”
“I agree.” She did. But she had no freakin’ clue what he was talking about. Did he want more sex or not? Did she?
Yes, yes, she did.
“Look, from what you said before, you’re not looking for a boyfriend.” He raised a brow in question.
“Right.”Though if I were, it would totally be someone exactly like you.
“I’m not dating or planning on dating anyone,” he said. “You said you’re not.”
“Nope.”
“Then we have sex when we want to. But our friendship is a solid thing that sex can’t touch.”
“It sounds so easy.” She snorted. “Sex always confuses everything.”
“It does. Which is why I’m compartmentalizing. I’m a guy. This is what we do. Friendship first. Sex second. If I’m horny and you’re not in the mood, we just play board games or hang out and I don’t get to be an asshole. If you’re horny and I’m not in the mood… Yeah, no. I’m always in the mood. We have sex.”
She grinned. “So easy.”
“Yep.”
Yet because he’d put it in such simple terms, Cass, who had never had a sexual relationship with a man not turn awkward, somehow found herself agreeing to be friends with the possibility of sex as a complete aside. Weird, but it somehow took the pressure off her strange new relationship with Mack.
“Okay, friend.” She shook his hand, refusing to feel disappointed when he let go. “In the spirit of having defined our friendship, I have to be honest with you.”
“Go ahead.”
“We only won at Pictionary because of my drawing and intuitive skills. You need help.”
A kitten crawled into his lap and balled up, closing its eyes.
Mack glared back at her but, after a glance at the furball in his lap, said in a harsh whisper, “You’re totally full of shit. I owned that game and dragged you along for the victory. Go get the pad of paper from the junk drawer in the kitchen. Bring two pencils. And be prepared to eat your words.”
An hour later, after arguing, waking the kittens, then putting them back in their pen, Cass had to concede that she and Mack had tied. Surprisingly, he could doodle with the best of them. But she was the better guesser, so they evened out.
