“Did he hurt you, sweetie?”
Her eyes started to burn. “No. If anyone’s hurting, it’s probably him. I ended things.”
“Scared of commitment. I was afraid of that. You can blame me, you know.”
“Dad?”
“When I met your mother, I fell in insta-love. You look just like her, and honey, you’re beautiful. Your mother had looks and brains, but God, her ability to see the world in a way I never could was captivating. She was like an ethereal creature, her words full of poetry, her heart open to any and everything.” He sighed. “Until she talked about her father. You poor girls and your daddy issues. No wonder so many end up working in strip clubs.”
She surprised herself by snorting with laughter.
He grinned. “You get yours honestly. I’m an ass and I have a problem committing. Welcome to the club.”
“Dad, are you sayingI’man ass?”
“Honey, put that shoe on, ’cause it fits.” They chuckled. “I love that you stand up for yourself. Not everyone is as nice as Ann and Riley.”
“They’re not that nice.”
“Of course not. That’s why you’re friends.” He stirred the hot chocolate, then poured two mugs and set one in front of her. They moved to the kitchen island and settled in to talk.
“So, Mom?”
He blinked. “Right. I fell hard for your mother. When she started talking to her father again, she changed. That free spirit I loved became weighted with guilt and grief. The old bastard had done a real number on her. That’s part of why I never truly blamed her for leaving. She couldn’t help it, really. Raised to believe she was better than everyone. White people were the devil, her tribe better than God.”
“But how could she be like that? She loved you.”
“She did. I don’t know. Maybe the drugs did her in too. She was so frail all the time. Filled with a sage way of looking at the world, but she had to toke or shoot up to get there.” He shook his head. “Why do you think I was on your ass about drugs and booze your whole life? You don’t need to warp your mind to be an artist. But when she lost her muse, her ability to write, it hurt her more than her father’s rejection.”
Maya thought about that. Her mother had been rejected by her dad, then did the same thing to her own daughter. So cyclical, so sad.So stupid.“Do you think she was mad at you for making her stop?”
“Yes. Her father was an enabler. An alcoholic and a mean drunk. He put his family through hell. But she never remembered that part of it. Instead she let him get into her head, let him think I was the one dragging her down. Not you, sweetie. Me. The evil white man.” He sighed. “Sad thing was her mother and sisters were so sweet. But they were afraid.” He frowned. “You can’t give in to fear. If I’ve taught you anything, it’s that.”
She took a sip of cocoa and nearly burned her mouth. “The girls think I’m afraid to get my heart broken and that’s why I dumped Dex.”
“Oh. Well.” He flushed, and she stared in surprise. “That blame you can lay at my door too, because I pushed people away for a lot of years. I dated, sure. But no one for longer than a year.”
“Try eight months,” she corrected. “Amber. Maybe Sherry?”
“Karen, I think.” He nodded. “That’s embarrassing. I can’t remember before Bev.” He shook his head. “For a lot of years I was busy raising you. A man has needs, yes, but nothing came before my baby girl.” He patted her cheek. “Still my baby girl, even at thirty.”
She scowled. “Twenty-nine.”
He laughed. “Right. I guess I was scared to get my heart broken again. Your mother did a real number on me.”
“I’m sorry, Dad.”
He nudged her mug with his own. “Don’t be. We learn from our mistakes. I worked my tail off making a nice living for us. You never wanted for toys or friends. Sure, we weren’t rich when you were growing up, but honey, we are a far shake from poor.”
“We are?” She blinked. “I mean, you are?”
“We—you and I are family, honey. Yes, Bev and I are marrying, but financially we’re taking things slow. We’ve both been burned before.” He grinned. “And Maya, she really does have a lot more money than me. We’re keeping separate bank accounts.”
Maya wondered… “I thought you loved and trusted her.”
“I do. But I’m comfortable now. So is she. We want to spend time together being friends and lovers.”
“Ew.”
