“Uh-huh.” Had he really not known she’d come out here for him? “And the girlfriend? When did that start?”
He glanced at his coffee, toying with his cuffs. A nervous tell she used to find endearing. “Diane and I started dating a few months ago. And don’t be mad. You and I were on the outs, and you know it.”
“How can you say that?” His clear dismissal of what they’d had shouldn’t have hurt her any more. Yet it did.
He met her gaze. “Please. We hadn’t been together in months. And when we were, you always wanted to talk or go out.” He lowered his voice. “We rarely had sex. When we did, you made me wear a condom.”
“So, you had needs, is that it?”
“Damn it. Yes. And even when we were together, it always felt as if I wanted it more than you did.”
She lowered her voice to match his. “Maybe I’d have wanted it more if I’d gotten some pleasure out of it instead of waiting for you to finish.”Oh my gosh, I said it!She couldn’t believe she’d told him the truth about their sex lifein public. Her mother would be mortified, and Grandma Freddy would be turning over in her grave. A lady did not talk about sex in public. Ever.
He gaped. “What?”
On a roll, Erin added, “Cody, you had this weird idea that we could only have sex with you on top. You lasted maybe five minutes.” She sipped her coffee, wondering if he’d spiked it. That or she was riding high on sugar and caffeine. Where had this sassy woman come from? “And foreplay is not a four-letter word.”
He continued to stare at her in astonishment.
“You know what I’ve learned about myself, Cody?”
“What?”
“That I’m tired of always doing for others. I’m living in Seattle now. I have a job I like, friends”—okay, a little white lie, but she was working on that— “and a new boyfriend. He’s amazing and treats me like I matter. And he’s not afraid to tell me the truth.”I hope.“All you had to do was tell me you didn’t want to see me anymore. It would have hurt, yes, but I’d have gotten over you. Unfortunately, our breakup cost me a lot of money and time it shouldn’t have.”
He had the grace to look shamefaced. “I’m so sorry about that. Sincerely.” He tried to reach for her hand, but she tugged hers out of reach. “I’ll reimburse you for the move. You can go back home if you want.”
“I don’t think so.”
He shook his head. “Are you seriously telling me you want to stay out here? We constantly argued about you ever leaving Colby. Don’t you remember?”
“Yes, I do. I also remember telling you I’d think about it, because our relationship meant more to me than where I lived. I just needed time.”
“Erin, we were together for more than a year. You had time.”
“And so did you. Enough to be honest with me instead of cheating and lying. Everyone told me you were no good for me. But I believed in you.” The way she believed in Smith. “I loved you. Or at least I tried to.”
He scoffed, but underneath his disbelief she swore she saw hurt. “You’re telling me you didn’t love me? Erin, you practically smothered me with it. Cooking my food. Doing my laundry. Anything I wanted, you’d give it to me.”
“And that was a problem?”
“Hell, yes. There was no challenge, no thrill. You were about as close to being a human doormat as a woman could get,” he snapped.
She didn’t want to let him get to her, but dang it, that had been mean. “You really aren’t nice at all, are you?” Smith might be an ass sometimes, but he’d never been cruel to her.
“Oh Erin. I didn’t mean that.” He ran his hands through his hair. “Please, hear me out. That’s all I’m asking.”
She should leave and never see him again, but she heard a ring of truth in his apology. “You have five minutes.”
“We were good in the beginning. And that’s the God’s honest truth. You’re beautiful, inside and out. And so sweet. I fell head over heels for you.”
This was worse than him acting like a jackass, because that warm look in his eyes, the smile on his face, and the many compliments reminded her of the good times they’d had, the laughter and fun they’d shared.
“The distance hurt us, to be honest. I missed you so much in the beginning. But I got used to not being there, and then I felt empty without you. I’m not excusing what I did,” he said before she could argue with him. “I’m explaining it. Erin, sometimes you had expectations I didn’t feel able to fill. You always acted like a lady. Everything at your house was neat and perfect. It was like stepping into a Martha Stewart set, with everything just so.” He sighed. “And as you can see, I’m a lot less than perfect.”
She frowned. “You’re saying I expected too much?”
“Yes. No. Look, I just found it hard to live up to what I thought you needed.” He flushed. “If I wasn’t as creative in bed, it’s because I didn’t know what you’d be okay with.”
