He snorted. “Same with me and Meg.”
“I think it’s different for you. You were just a child, and she treated you terribly. You never had any choice in being with her.” She could see him listening, focused on her words. “Ichoseto be with Cody. Even knowing the way he was, kind of self-centered, but he was nice to me, I let myself fall for him.” She sighed. “I’m the loser. You were just a poor little boy stuck with a monster.”
He left the dishes to sit by her at her tiny table. Fortunately, the chair held under his weight. “Why do you think you went with Cody in the first place?”
She’d been thinking about that for a long time. “He was handsome and sweet. And smart. He works for an IT firm and travels a lot installing equipment. I’ve always been invisible. My parents’ daughter. My older sister’s helper. I’m there for everyone, but no one really sees me. You know?”
He nodded.
“I’m not complaining about it. It sounds like I am, but I’m not. I like being needed. And my first few boyfriends liked me for me, but I was younger. Those relationships didn’t last. Then going to school took a lot of time, and I tried to do it on my own and be independent.”
He reached for her hand over the table and stroked it with his fingers. “You’re like me. We have to earn everything we get.”
She agreed, wondering if that’s why she felt so close to him, because they were alike that way. “Yes. I offered to help my sister when she was in chemo. I cooked meals, cleaned up, and helped with my niece and nephew. I loved it, and Tim, my brother-in-law, is a wonderful guy. They’re a great family, and I loved feeling a part of that. Maybe…maybe I envied her. Wanting my own family. I don’t know. I only know that when Tim brought Cody home one night for dinner, and Cody flirted and flattered me, I felt like I mattered, and not just because I was family.
“My parents love me. Joy loves me. They care, but it felt like they had to care because we’re related. You know?” As soon as she said it, she realized her mistake. “I’m so sorry. But your mother should have cared.”
“Which one?” He snorted, a hard gleam in his eyes.
“Both of them.” She cupped his hand in hers, now stroking him. “You should have been surrounded by love. I bet you were an adorable baby.”
“I’m sure I was.” He smiled, but it looked strained. “But keep telling me about Cody. You wanted to matter to someone not family?”
She let him change the subject, not wanting him to dwell on bad memories. “Seeing it now, in hindsight, I feel stupid. I should have looked beyond what he gave me to what I really wanted. But he was handsome and treated me well. We went out on dates, and whenever he could he’d stop by Tim and Joy’s, he always made me feel special. When I moved back to Colby, he’d come visit me there.” She frowned. “Of course, I treated him like a king. I cooked, cleaned, did anything he needed. I pretty much catered to the man, because that’s what the women in my family do. Except I didn’t like doing it any more. Then he stopped coming around so much.”
“Let me guess,” Smith drawled. “It wasn’t long before he gave you an ultimatum about moving to be with him, or you were through.”
“Yes. And I’d repeatedly told him I loved Kansas. All my friends and family, well, except for Joy, are there.”
“So, he never figured you’d move out here.”
“That’s the gist of it.” She shook her head. “Our last conversation, when he told me I either moved, or we were done… He really made me think. What was I hanging on to? Love is worth moving mountains or moving cities. Suddenly, leaving for Seattle became an adventure, not something to be afraid of. So, I left Kansas for only the second time ever, and I moved here to be with him. And, well, you know how that turned out.”
He was staring at her in a way that made her feel too open.
“Smith?”
“Do you thinkIask you for too much?”
She didn’t understand. “You barely ask me for anything.”
“But you made me cookies. You just cooked me dinner, and we’ve had sex. Do you think I’m using you for, I don’t know, food or something?”
She smiled, because he’d had to think about what he might be using her for. “No. First of all, I offered you cookies. I asked if you wanted dinner tonight. And the sex…” She colored. “I like being with you that way.”
“I fucking love it,” he said bluntly. “But it’s only good if you’re into it.” He paused, and she sensed the vulnerability he masked with his gruff question, “Are you into it? For sure?”
She leaned closer to kiss him on the lips. “Do you really have to ask that after yesterday?”
A satisfied, very male smile appeared. “Yeah, that’s true. You were all over me.”
“Smith.”
He chuckled, then his mirth fled. “I, ah, I need some advice, I think.”
“Hey, you listened to me about Cody. I’m here for you.”
“I know. And I have to tell you, that’s new for me.” He scowled. “You, Reid, Cash, Evan. Hell, the crew at work. I’ve been alone for a long time, and now people are all over the place. And they act like they want to help and be friendly. I don’t mean you. You’re real. I get that. But… Meg said she has a note from my birth father.
