“Would you hush up?” she snapped. “I’m trying to explain.”
His lips tightened, but she thought she saw amusement in his eyes.
“Are you laughing at me?”
He coughed. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”
“Okay. Look. I’m not good at this.” She pointed to him and her. “At relationships. I obviously misread signals. Look at Cody. Before him, I had two boyfriends in college. Neither lasted long, but that might have been my fault because I just grew bored with trying to make them happy. I’m done pleasing other people. This is the new me. It’s my life, and I plan on living it the way I want to.”
She felt emboldened confessing her need to be strong. “I don’t owe anyone anything. I’m doing it all on my own. No help from Mom or Dad or Joy—my sister,” she explained, reassured that he seemed to hang on every word. “I could have dated Brad, but I don’t want to. And I don’t feel guilty about that. Just because he asked doesn’t mean I had to say yes.”
Smith stiffened. “Is he giving you a hard time?”
She blinked. “What? Oh, no. He was super nice. When I told him I just wanted to be friends, he was fine with it.”
Smith relaxed. “Good.”
“But you confuse me,” she continued. “I feel different with you. And I don’t know why.”
His intense stare made her want to squirm. Smith listened to her with his entire being.
“I’m not playing games with you,” she told him. “Heck, if you want the truth, I’ve never done stuff with a guy the way I did with you. Especially not after just meeting you.” She hated that her cheeks heated.
He nodded. “I believe you.”
She blew out a breath. “I don’t care if you believe me. I’m just saying you make me do things I don’t do with other people. Oh, stop frowning. I don’t mean you made me do something against my will. I mean you make me forget myself. When you touch me I…”
He stepped closer and tilted her chin up. His voice soft, he said, “You what? You lose control? You want to touch and be touched? You want to feel closer?”
“Yes, all that.” She gripped his beltloop and tugged on it, frustrated he seemed so far away. Afraid he was growing too close too fast. And she didn’t really know him that well. “I want to be the new me, but I’m afraid I’m falling into an old pattern. I like you, Smith. A lot. But I don’t really know you. And I…”
His face grew guarded. “And you what?”
“And I want to get to know you,” she whispered, unable to look away from him. “I love your body, okay? You’re sexy. You know it, so don’t act surprised. But I like when you laugh, and I have no idea what you like to eat or drink or do.”
He looked confused for a moment then pleasantly surprised. “Oh, well.” He leaned down and planted a kiss on her cheek. When he straightened, he looked…happy. Which for Smith was saying a lot. The man always wore such an intense look—of frustration, annoyance, even desire. But happiness appeared rarely, in Erin’s experience.
His eyes looked soft, his mouth curled up in a half smile. “I actually have tomorrow off since I worked all day yesterday. Would you, I don’t know, like to go out?” He shrugged, his movements stiff. “I could show you parts of the city you haven’t seen yet. Some cool stuff around here that you could walk to if you wanted.”
She couldn’t look away from this vulnerable side of Smith. Good Lord, he seemed almost shy as he asked her out, and she couldn’t have said why that charmed her.
Erin smiled. “I’d love that. Do you think we could go downtown to Pike Place Market too? I’ve seen it on TV and want to see if they really do throw fish around.”
“Sure.” He took a step back. “I should probably be honest with you as well.”
“If this is the part where you have a girlfriend, I’m going to brain you with your own beer bottle.”
He didn’t seem to know how to handle her laughing at herself. “Um, no. I’m not the cheating kind.”
That’s what they all say.
“I like you, and I want to fuck you. So much, in a whole lot of different ways.”
She gaped, not sure she’d heard him right. But he was still talking, his cheeks pink, and she wanted him to have his say.
“The choice to be with me or not is yours. I’m just being honest. I like you telling it to me straight. I want that. From you. Honesty, I mean. I want you. I think you’re hot, and you’re cute. I still dream about going down on you.” He blew out a breath. “But I’d like to know more than your body. And that’s weird to me.”
“It is?”
