“I fought Cash and lost. I was out of it, pretty wacked on adrenaline and emotion. I’m not gonna lie, Erin. I got freaked out for no reason, which Evan was happy to point out,” he said drily. “I need some help with communicating. And I’m still messed up from what Meg did to me.”
“I wouldn’t be with a loser. You remember that.”
“I try. But then I think I’m not good enough, and you’ll realize that and leave. They all left me, Erin.” He sniffed to pull back on the pity party, but a tear left him.
“Stop it,” Erin ordered, wiping his eyes, then hers. “I’m a crier by proxy. I see it, I do it.”
He couldn’t help chuckling. “Sorry.”
“You are sorry. Your moms, both of them, sucked ass.”
He laughed. “Fighting words.”
“Yeah. But I have a great mom. I know how to show love. And you have family now. Brothers, Aunt Jane, who couldn’t say enough good stuff about you when we went out, by the way.”
“Oh.” He flushed.
“Look. I get emotional once a month. It just is. And you and I are new, and this is really our first big argument if you think about it, that’s not even an argument. I had no beef with you.”
He swallowed, looking too scared to hope. Then Smith shuttered his expression, and the kickass Marine returned. “Well, if you do, I can handle it. Just tell me.”
“Have I ever, in the entire time you’ve known me, ever held back with you? I mean, except for the time of the month thing.”
He blinked in astonishment. “Not really.”
“Not at all,” she said proudly. “With you I’ve been a hundred percent honest with myself. I wasn’t honest with Cody, and I didn’t realize it until now. I’m being the real me with you. I want to be a cooking star. I want to have hot sexandmake love. I want to do sixty-nines and bake you cookies until I find a recipe that has you falling in love with chocolate.”
“Ah, not sure that will happen.” He held his arms open. “Come here.”
She sat on his lap and kissed him, moaning at the perfect connection they shared. “I love you, Smith.”
“Love you back, Cupcake.” He pressed his forehead to hers, and they both started wiping wet cheeks. “And we never, ever tell anyone about this.”
“That you’re apparently a closet crier? No. You have an image to maintain.” She scooted closer and felt him hard and ready under her bottom. “A big image, am I right?”
He groaned. “And growing bigger. How about we take this into the bedroom, and you be gentle as you take advantage of me?”
“How can I say no to that?”
She said nothing but yes until the sun came up.
On Saturday,Smith knocked at Meg’s door as Reid, Cash, Evan, and Erin waited for him. He felt nervous and didn’t know why.
Meg opened the door. Staring down at her, he saw the familiar loathing, the disgust. But after talking to Erin and the guys about a lot of shit he’d rather forget, he started to wonder who she felt all that negative energy for. Him…or herself?
“Come on in.” She stepped back and shut the door behind him. Her thin face looked thinner, pale and drawn. Her blue eyes, so unhappy, had few lines, because she’d rarely in her life smiled. She wore faded jeans and a blue Marine Corps sweatshirt, one he’d given her many years ago.
He said nothing about it and let no expression cross his face. She studied him hungrily, but he had no idea what she wanted to see.
“What? No kiss for your mother?” she said with a bitter smile.
“I don’t have a mother,” he responded in kind. “Now where’s the letter?”
“You pack up my stuff and move it to this address, and I’ll give it to you.”
“No. You give me the letter first. I don’t trust you. I’ve been a lot of things in life, but I’m not a liar. I give you my word I’ll help you out. And here’s the money.” A thousand dollars in fifties and twenties he’d withdrawn from the bank. More than he could afford to spare, but he hadn’t wanted the others to know about that part. That some pussy-whipped idiot inside him still wanted to help the woman out after all she’d done.
No, not pussy-whipped,her heard Erin’s voice deep inside him.A good, kind, decent man, the one I fell in love with.Because, as Erin continued to tell him, she was too good to fall in love with a loser. So Smith could never be that. And, well, she had talked him into seeing someone to deal with his self-esteem issues. Though she hadn’t had to convince him, not when Evan had practically forced him to see a guy who owed him a few favors. A decent therapist who dealt with vets.
