“That’s it. Show me what you feel. You needme—Deacon. Not some online douche.” He pumped, in and out, his breathing growing choppy, his words turning into grunts and groans of delight.
She found his rhythm and jerked when he put a hand between them to rub her clit. The extra pleasure had her mindless, and she squeezed her cheeks tight when he swore and came, jerking in her ass for some time.
“Damn, girl.” He kissed her, still moving, though slowly now. “I missed this. Missed you.”
“Me too,” she admitted. “So why did you wait?”
“Because I want you to feel it. You pretend I’m a temporary speed bump, something to get over because you have to. But this, this is more than a want. You and me together? It’s a need. A craving. And darlin’, I am buried up your ass and loving every second. Fucking you is so damn good.”
“How do you know what to say? ’Cause all that lovey talk makes me ill. But your bluntness just sounds authentic. Or is that part of your scam?”
He chuckled, moaned, and withdrew, leaving a mess. “Scam? Man, allyourlove talk is going to my head.” He left her to clean up and came back with a wash cloth he used to tend to her.
She didn’t feel strange letting him clean her up. She felt comforted, treasured. And as he kissed where the washcloth went, she grew aroused all over again.
He tossed the rag to the floor and drew her into his arms. Hugging her while they enjoyed some post-sex cuddling, he dominated the space while keeping her warm. Protected. A woman could grow to like that feeling. Maybe a little too much.
She groaned. “That felt good.”
“I know.” He smiled against her hair; she could feel it. They lay together for a while, and when he made no move to have her again, she started to drift into sleep.
“Tell me what you want, Solene.”
“A nap?” she teased. “Hmm. What I want… For just one day where my kids don’t have a meltdown at the daycare, maybe. Or to win that home and garden channel dreamhouse. It’s beautiful and in Portland this year.”
He chuckled. “Those seem like lofty goals, but I mean, deep inside.” He cupped her breasts, his callused palms light, warm. “What do you really want? What would make you happy? I can tell you what I want. A place to call home.”
She listened to him, hearing the heart of the man and hugging his arms around her tighter.
“I want a woman I can be me with. Someone I can count on, who’ll accept who I am, my work, and know I’m more than what I do.”
“Yes,” she agreed, captivated by the fancy hitman with dreams of domestic bliss. “That’s what I want. A man to want me for me. Not for my money or connections. Not for my looks. But for the real me deep inside.”
He kissed her again and stroked her skin with a feather-light touch. “I want to know what you want. What you need.”
“Why?”
“I’m writing a book,” he said drily. “Why the hell do you think, Blondie? I can give you those things.”
“Yeah, now.” She rolled over, resting belly to belly on top of him. “Until you go back to taking care of business around the world. I want a real relationship, Deacon. Not a long distance one. And not one that takes second place to a man’s career.”
She couldn’t read the expression on his face, but she didn’t regret telling him the truth. The sex was amazing, but perhaps it was time to come back to earth. What they had now was incredible, and a fantasy. Not close to being a reality.
“You should always want to come first.” That he agreed with her only made him that much more of a keeper. “You know, when I started with the Business, it was all I knew. But it’s been a long time, and the work we do wears on you. I see why Noel got out, and it wasn’t just because of Addy. It was because he was tired. Another country, another bad guy, another bureaucrat we have to worry about. All for the greater good. But it feels like nothing ever changes.” He paused, shook his head, and went quiet.
She wondered what he didn’t say. “You have a tough job.”
“I do.” He drew her down for a kiss, and the press of his mouth stole her focus. “Fuck, Solene. You get to me. A kiss and I forget my own name.”
“I’ll remember for you,” she said, kissing him back.
When they came back up for air, she was gathered up in his arms, her body once again surrounded by Deacon. Her mind and heart his to keep, if only he’d tell her he loved her.
