She could only imagine.
“Hotels look the same after a while. The constant changes, the solitude, the moving around all the time. I want to put down roots.”
“I get that. Trust me, I do.” She was ready for a husband and children. But not yet, and not with Noel.
So why do I have to keep telling myself not to fantasize abouthappily ever after with him?
Because I’m a stupid romantic, that’s why.
And because she’d never felt so deeply for a man, despite the fact that for the past two years she’d barely gotten a hello out of him.
“Do you?” he asked. “You have wonderful parents, a good life. Your students love you, your friends do too. You’re a part of the community here, and you belong. I alwaysfeel like I’m passing through, never in one place long enough to really exist.”
She put a hand over his, her smaller one covering his roughened exterior. “You think I don’t understand, but I do. Yes, I belong in my community. But it can get lonely. I want to be special to one person. I want to love someone and have children, a house, pets. The whole works. I want warm holidays with childrenlaughing and cooking for a rowdy bunch.” She smiled. “It was just me and my parents growing up. Nana would come visit, or Aunt Tara, but for the most part we had a small family. And it was great. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. But I miss being a part of that kind of belonging.”
Remembering what he’d said about losing his parents, she squeezed his hand. “You’ll have that someday too,Noel. But yeah, you probably do need to settle down to get it. It’s got to be hard on relationships never being around.”
He just stared at her, and she wondered what the heck he was thinking. He didn’t look like he wanted to kiss her or sleep with her. He didn’t look happy or sad, just very intent. On what?
Then he gave her a slow smile. “You’re sneaky.”
“What? Me?”
“You have a way of making me want to spill my guts. It’s those soft green eyes, that gentle touch, that sincerity. I wish I had your skills.”
“Gee, thanks, Noel.” She dragged her hand out from under his. “I wasn’t trying to trick you into sharing. I just wanted a little something, you know, since you pretty much got me to answer everything about me.”
He gave her a sly grin. “I did,didn’t I?”
Entranced by this playful side of him, she just nodded.
He leaned close and gave her a disappointing kiss on the cheek. “Well, it’s late. I suppose we should turn in.”
“Yes.” She cleared her throat, determined to be in charge of herself tonight. No more succumbing to her libido. “Thanks for letting me have the bedroom.”
He gave a mournful look at the couchand sighed. “No problem.”
She refused to be the one to give in. He’d won everything else tonight. Not that she wanted to degrade their fledgling relationship to a game of one-upmanship, but Addy wanted to prove to herself she wasn’t a needy, desperate woman. Plus, she didn’t want the physicality between them to overshadow the emotional sharing they’d had tonight. She wanted to revel inhow amazing it had felt to be on the arm of a man who treated her like she mattered.
As she retreated to the bedroom and readied for bed, she thought about Noel smiling and laughing. She’d seen him take in the show and genuinely like it. They had more in common than sexual chemistry. He was well-read and intelligent. Throughout their dinner, they’d verbally sparred, each making sound argumentson everything from politics to religion—two topics she normally strayed from when newly dating someone.
He held the same views she did, which surprised her, because she’d have pegged him as far more conservative. But Noel didn’t hold bias against sexuality or gender. He didn’t seem to care about playing games either. With Noel, it was all right or wrong, his morals not cloudy in the slightest.Heck, he believed in the death penalty. “Because some people just deserve to die,” he’d said quietly.
Before she could follow that up, he’d tempted her into ordering dessert, and they’d said no more about grim subjects.
Addy slipped into bed and stilled, listening for Noel to fall asleep. He hadn’t said anything about his accommodations for the night, but she hadn’t seen a rollawaybed anywhere, and she didn’t think the couch made out into a bed. Poor guy would have an uncomfortable night’s sleep.
She wanted to feel badly about that but a grin curled her lips.Ha. See? Just because I lost my mind once for you doesn’t mean I can’t control my urges.She listened again but heard nothing from the living room.
Two hours later, she stared at the ceiling, her bodyon fire, her mind buzzing with thoughts of Noel and why he seemed so important lately. So vulnerable, when he always appeared in control of himself. So strong, able to stand against everyone.
“I always feel like I’m passing through, never in one place long enough to really exist,”he’d said. Then she understood. His loneliness had drawn her to him from the beginning.
Having beenan only child, she’d felt that same isolation. Oh, she knew love and acceptance from her parents, but when she’d left for college, then moved back only to find her parents moving out, she’d experienced that same sense of aloneness. Of not really belonging.
She taught other people’s children. Dreamed of having a man of her own. Envied Solene’s confidence and comfort around other people.Addy wouldn’t call herself shy, exactly, but she didn’t have that ease around people. Kids were easy to deal with. There was a pecking order, a need for discipline and balance. But adults made her uneasy, expectations always making her feel as if she lacked something.
Mitch had dumped her for another woman. That had hurt, but she hadn’t loved him so the sting was mostly to her pride. Brentjust didn’t do it for her. Like most men she’d dated in her life, they didn’t connect. She wished she could put her finger on it, but she couldn’t explain why Noel felt so right when those others she’d spent months and even a year or more with never had.
