She didn’t want to tell his secrets, but Landon and Ava loved him. She wanted their help to better understand. “He’s had one with me. Just one. And he’s never been violent. He just seems sad.”
Landon sighed. “Yeah. Poor little brother. He ever tell you what he saw over there?”
“No. And I didn’t ask.”
“Good,” Ava said. “He’s not ready to share that. He might never be ready. And that’s okay. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t care enough to share, but that he shouldn’t dredge up that kind of trauma.”
“But he doesn’t share anything about his feelings either. I mean, I know if he’s happy and laughing. He’s fun to be around, and he’s always in a good mood. Unless he’s quiet. We rarely argue.”
“He’s always been like that though,” Landon mused. “Even before the Marine Corps, Gavin wasn’t the type to fight a lot. He’s sneaky and jokey, always laughing. When he gets really mad, he’s super quiet.”
“I don’t think he’s been mad at me. Confused, maybe. Quiet, like he’s not sure what to do.”
“Oh?” Ava leaned forward.
Zoe glanced at Landon. She really didn’t want to confess what she’d said to Gavin in front of his brother. To Ava, a girlfriend, sure.
“Hell no. I’m not going anywhere if we’re talking about Gavin. I’ve stayed out of his business for way longer than I planned, because the doc here”—he pointed to Ava—“told me to butt out. But I’m worried too, damn it. Zoe, what the hell is going on with him? He seems so much better, almost normal. But he’s also more withdrawn, and I’m a little freaked. I’ve caught him at the gym a few times this week just staring at nothing.”
Zoe tilted her head back, praying for strength. She stared at Landon, then Ava. “You have to promise not to tell anyone. Not anyone. Gavin already knows, and that’s who needs to know.”
“Fine, fine.” Landon said. Ava nodded.
“Well.” Zoe swallowed a mouthful of wine. “Last weekend we went to a work party. He came with me, all dressed up. And wow, he was so handsome. So sweet to come there as my date.”
“Oh, I’d love to see him in a suit.”
“Ava,” Landon growled.
“Sorry. Go on.” Her eyes sparkled.
Zoe smiled. She wanted that, what Landon and Ava shared, with Gavin. “Well, he was just so great. And I’ve been feeling close to him for a while now. It just popped out. We had a moment alone, and then…I said it.”
“Oh.” Ava sighed.
“What? Said what?” Landon looked baffled.
“For someone so smart, you can be so dense.” Ava rolled her eyes. “She told him she loves him, bonehead.”
“Oh.Oh.” He gave a wide smile. “Nice.”
“I didn’t give him time to say it back. It just kind of popped out. But after that, we haven’t talked about it. I said it once more. Not to make him say it back, but because I feel it.” She sighed. “I really love him. I don’t want to stress him out or anything. But I think I did. Because he’s been quieter since.”
“So how did he respond?” Landon asked. “He just ignored you telling him that? Yeah, that can hurt.” He glared at Ava.
“Please. I did not ignore you. I broke up with you, but you refused to accept it.” Ava sniffed. “I apologized later.”
“True.” He grinned, then turned back to Zoe with a straight face. “Zoe, Gavin is really into you. Big time. I know my brother, and he’s never, ever been so into a chick before. But he’s—”
“Messed up.” Zoe tapped her temple. “I know. He told me. I don’t care. We’re all messed up.”
“Well, I was going to say ‘traumatized by what he saw and did overseas,’ but ‘messed up’ works.” Landon nodded. “I wasn’t privy to the missions he went on. But I heard about some of them. And I have to say, Little Brother was a badass. He did some serious shit over there. Specialized shit, where people died and small regimes disappeared before they could become bigger problems.
“Did you know he was healing from a punctured lung when his friends got blown up? Yeah, some dumb luck all four of them happened to be back in the same province, assigned to the same unit after being separated for a few years. Gavin’s all stoked to see his best buds, and then he’s on a mission where he gets hit. The guys razzed him about it, he told me. Then they left him, and he never saw them again.”
Landon coughed, cleared his throat, and continued. Ava put a hand over his, and he squeezed it. “I don’t know what Gavin goes through, but I know how hard it was for me to lose Marines I was responsible for. You feel this huge weight, like how come they died and not me? Like survivor’s guilt. Then you think,Shit. I didn’t protect them. And it’s just as bad. More guilt.”
“Landon’s got issues, but his are nowhere near what Gavin suffered,” Ava said softly. “Suffers, probably. Lee is helping him, but I don’t know that Gavin’s ever going to be what he was before he left.”
