Una turned and stared at her.Violet seemed different suddenly—as if a layer had been peeled off.
“But I don’t think you know that I don’t play by the rules because—I can’t,” Violet said flatly.“You know some people can’t read, or do sums, however hard they try?It’s like that with me, but with—I don’t know!—justbeing.Those old governesses did their best to teach me, and Aunt Emily, too.“ Violet began to pace.“I watch you talk to people, and you seem to justknowwhat to say, and what to do, and what people mean, even when they don’t say it outright, and how to say things back without actually saying them!The thing is, people think I’m doing it on purpose—breaking the rules—and most of the time, I’m not!I just don’t realise the fence is there until I’ve already jumped it.And then everyone’s gaping at me.I used to think it was just Ormdale.That if I left, I’d find someplace without rules, where people wouldn’t gape at me so.”
“And did you?”Una asked.
Violet laughed.“I just found more rules—different ones.And people get hurt when you break them.And then they pretend it’s all right when it isn’t.Thank you, by the way.”
Una blinked in confusion.“Whatever for?”
“For shouting at me yesterday.For not pretending.”
Una closed her eyes for a moment, then opened them again.“I was trying to berude, Violet.”
“And a good job you did of it!I was proud of you.”
Una crossed her arms, but Violet kept going, oblivious.
“If there’s one thing I didn’t miss about Ormdale, it’s the way we all try to be soniceall the time!“ Violet said, throwing her arms up.“Of course I understand it’s important…civilisation, and all that.Christianity, I suppose.But sometimes I’m not nice.”Violet shook her head.“And I’m no good at pretending.Not like you.”
“Are you saying I’m a fraud, Violet?”Una asked.
“Criminy, no!But…it’s easy for you, isn’t it?The niceness, and getting everything right?”Violet looked at her, suddenly doubtful.“Or isn’t it?”
Una sat down on the bed.
“Not lately,” Una admitted.How could she keep her own door closed, when Violet had thrown hers wide open like that?
“But that’s only becauseI’mhere,“ said Violet, “and I disrupt things.”Violet leaned on the bedpost.“I’ve worked out something finally, because I’m dense.You’re the one I hurt the most by leaving.I didn’t mean it that way.I’m sorry, Una.”
And there it was.The apology.
It isn’t enough,thought Una.
How could it be?But it might be a start, if Una didn’t end it.
“I don’t suppose you’ve ever hurt someone the way I’ve hurt you,” Violet said miserably.
But I’ve wanted to,Una thought suddenly.
“I think the rules help some of us not to hurt people,” Una whispered, adjusting the position of the bowl of primroses on the night table.“I think that’s the idea behind them—or the best of them, anyway.”
Violet thought about this.“Are you worried that I’m going to hurt you again?I think I would be.”
Una bowed her head, because shewasworried about that.
Violet stood up straight.“Give me yours, Una.”
“Mine?”asked Una.“My what?”
“Your rules.For not hurting you.”
Una stared at her again.She couldn’t possibly imagine everything Violet might do to hurt her.It was an unfathomable task.But she might address the things she had already done.
Una took a deep breath.“Well.First of all, when you’ve had enough of us, don’t leave like you did last time.Not in the middle of the night, without goodbyes or explanations—with all of us holding a birthday party for someone who’s not there—someone who could be dead in a ditch or halfway to Brazil.Or both.”
“Right, then,” Violet said.“No disappearing.Anything else?”
Una smoothed the coverlet.“Yes.Don’t stab any pillows.It took me ages to clean up the feathers; I kept finding them for days in my hair and underthings.”
