She nodded and then went on. “Father was called away to perform an emergency surgery, so I was left in charge of her care for what turned out to be her final hours. I was alone with her when she died, and I have long felt guilty. If I had not discouraged my father, if I had known more, or been more diligent with inhalants and draughts, we might have saved her.Imight have saved her. But I failed.”
He was quiet a long moment, and Anne feared he agreed with her, or was silently listing all the remedies she had not tried.
The fire crackled and popped.
“I am sorry,” he said at last. “What a difficult experience.”
She nodded again. “And now I fear I may fail with Lady Celia, though I am determined not to.”
She felt his steady gaze on her profile, and then he said, “You are not alone in being afraid to fail. I face it every day. It’s inherent in what we do, in this calling we share.”
We ...Despite her guilt and regrets, she appreciated that he included her as someone who aspired to help and heal, as someone with a valid calling.
She turned toward him, and he leaned closer, elbows on his knees to face her more fully. “Never forget, Miss Loveday—we are human and fallible and will always have more to learn. There is only one Great Physician who could heal anyone and everyone ... should He so will.”
“Yes, I know you’re right.”
“Being right does not diminish the pain and remorse of losing a patient, especially one you love.”
Anne nodded and blinked back tears.No,itdoes not.
After a time, she asked, “What about your parents? Dr. Marsland mentioned your father is a lawyer?”
“Yes. My parents have now lived and worked in India for some eight years. I remained here to attend medical school. My sister stayed as well. But my sister’s husband was recently offered a position with the company Father works for, so they left England last year to join them.”
“Do you miss them?”
“I do. But I’m where I want to be.”
Another minute of silence passed, save for Lady Celia’s breathing, the hiss of the fire, and the steady click of the pendulum clock.
Then he asked, “What was she like, your mother, before she became ill?”
A smile immediately lifted Anne’s lips. “Lovely, kind, gracious, generous to a fault.”
“Sounds like someone I know.”
Warmth and pleasure swept over her. Self-consciousness too. “Nothing to her.”
“And she and your father were happy together, I gather?”
“Very much so. Theirs was a love match. They were kindred spirits who brought out the best in each other. I miss her dreadfully. And I miss the way he was while she was still with us.”
“And you, Miss Loveday. Have you ever been in love? Forgive my impertinence. Especially after I accused you of being inquisitive.”
It must have been the firelight, the two of them sitting together, her in her nightclothes, warm and snug under blankets, for she was not affronted by the question, and was even ready to answer.
“I don’t think so, no. In Churchdown, there was a young man who came into the shop almost daily for a time, underthe pretense of looking for a remedy for his sister. I liked him at first, until we learned he had no sister, and Papa sent him away with a flea in his ear.”
Dr. Finch chuckled.
Anne thought, then added, “Jasper Paine and I were childhood friends, and I may have developed a slight tendre for him in my teen years, which I put down to seeing him in his regimentals that first time. But it was nothing serious.
“And I certainly did not love, nor even like, any of the men my stepmother has introduced me to in her attempts at matchmaking.”
Anne took a deep breath, wondering if she should ask. Wondering about Rosa. Then she pushed the words over a lump in her throat. “And you?”
He nodded, expression sober. “Yes, I was in love once. Thought I had met the woman I would marry.”
