“It seems the fashion now,” Charlotte added.
“I care little for fashion, as you know.”
“Yes. But I was thinking you might desire a French education for Anne.”
He looked at her, clearly perplexed.
“She could grow up speaking both English and French,” Charlotte continued. “Mrs. Taylor would have liked that.”
He shrugged. “True. But you speak French.”
“Very ill. My accent is far from authentic.”
He stared at her, clearly unsure of her meaning.
“I understand there is an agency in Piccadilly for French governesses.”
“Miss Lamb, I don’t understand. Are you suggesting I replace you?”
“I am only thinking of Anne, what is best for her.”
“What is best for her ... or you?”
The implication stung.
He sighed. “I am only saying that if you wish to leave us, come out and say so.”
“I do not wish to, but nor do I wish for you to feel obligated. You must think of Anne’s future. Do what is in her best interests.”
“I have. I believeyou, Miss Lamb, are in Anne’s best interests.”
She lowered her head. “Thank you.”
“But—”
She looked up. He was regarding her with an intensity that made her want to look away again. “There is another position I would offer you. If you were willing.”
As she took in the longing, the trepidation, even the passion in his eyes, realization dawned. She had been a fool these last few months. He did want her, in every way a man wants a woman.
He rose and walked around his desk. Reaching past her, he shut the door quietly behind her. That done, he did not move away but stood close to her.
“You could become my wife.”
For Anne’s sake, for hers, for his own even, he would marry her. Even though he was not through mourning his wife. She ought to be relieved, she ought to be happy, but she was not. As the dread, the sudden irrational urge to turn and flee washed over her, she saw the reason clearly.
“What is it?” he asked, obviously not seeing the reaction he’d hoped for in her expression. “Have you no regard for me? Or is your father’s approval still so important to you?”
“Of course not. I long ago gave up hope of winning Father’s approval. As far as my regard for you, it is of the highest order.”
“Then why do you hesitate? I realize it is too soon for me to make a proper offer, but I thought, in the circumstances—”
“You do me a great honor, Dr. Taylor. But—” And here she paused, taking a deep breath. “You see, as long as I can tell myself that I am in no suitable state to raise my son, then I can bear his absence. I can console myself with the wisdom that he is better off where he is, that I can barely provide for myself, let alone another. But if my situation were to suddenly change ... if I were in a position where I could reasonably provide for him ... and still ... still I could not have him with me ... that I could not bear. Do you understand? Does that make any sense at all?”
“I don’t think ... Are you saying that you must remain alone in order to bear his loss?”
She swallowed. “Yes.”
“But would not the support of another make the loss more bearable? Or the possibility of another child someday?”
