“You know I think you’re my soulmate right?” I admit to her, knowing that the statement is serious and bold, but I won't hold in my feelings when it comes to her. Not when everything that we’ve been through these past few weeks has been the happiest and most meaningful I’ve ever felt.
She smiles at me as she tries to fight the sleep, forcing her eyes to stay open. “Does this make you my boyfriend?”
I smile, feeling so fucking full of life and gratitude watching the prettiest girl in the world fall asleep to my voice as she talks sweet nothings.
And as she lets the phone fall gently, sleep taking over and her eyes shutting completely, I prop my phone back up to my nightstand as I lean back in my own bed.
“I want to be more than your boyfriend,” I whisper.
And before I know it, I too fall asleep.
32
Weslyn
Two Weeks Later
The past few weeks have been nothing short of adventure and excitement and emotion. School has been insanely busy and stressful, and for some reason having Kyran in my life has made me more motivated to figure out what life looks like after school. Not that I wasn’t motivated before but he’s given me that extra push, and he doesn’t even know it yet. I’ve had a few short conversations with my dad and he was very happy for me when I told him about Kyran. It felt serious enough that I thought it was necessary and though I’m not sure when they’ll ever meet, he seemed to approve as long as he brings me happiness.
But I still work the same crappy job, declining Kyr’s offer to pay for my rent, though I can’t lie that the idea did entice me. And we talk every day, even if all we’re able to say is good morning or good night.
But as I walk into school today, I can’t help but feel a little worried. A distressing feeling caresses my gut; I have yet to hear from him after sending mygood morninghandsometext to him nearly two hours ago. I know he said he had a flight for a client meeting this morning, but I’m sure he’d have landed by now.
I try not to let the nerve-racking feeling surround me too much as I put my phone away and prepare for the pop quiz my professor just announced, one that I’m not sure I’m ready for. But as I attempt to stuff my phone in my bag, my elbow accidentally knocks into my coffee cup and the whole thing topples over and spills all over my desk, my papers, and into my lap.
“Shit.” I berate myself, not caring much if anyone witnesses the disaster. But as I frantically try to clean up the mess, I can't help but let my troubled mind decide that today is going to be a very long day.
My last class concludes and as I walk out onto the campus sidewalk, snow falling from the sky and melting into the trees, my phone dings. I rush for it, hoping that Kyran is finally getting back to me after not hearing from him all day. My mind has been racing all day with different thoughts as to why he might not be able to respond to me, and of course, the worse of those ideas are the ones that fester the most.
But it’s not Kyran. It’s an email with the score of the pop quiz from earlier today and my heart drops when I see it’s the lowest grade I’ve gotten on anything all year.
I didn't realize how shaken I was this morning, and I can’t help but to assume that it might have something to do with Kyran’s absence.
Something isn’t right. What if something happened to his flight? Maybe he lost his phone or . . . maybe he’s done talking to me. I don’t want to be clingy or pushy but I hate not knowing what’s going on so I open a new text message to Kyran, deciding to try him one more time. But right as I click on our conversation thread, my phone starts to ring.
It’s Kyran.
“Hello?” I answer rather frantically, standing in the middle of College Green.
“Hello, beautiful.” The tone in his voice sounds calm and composed, but he has no idea how stressed I’ve been all day wondering where the hell he's been.
“Kyran, I’ve been so worried about you. Is everything okay?” I try not to sound too mad or upset with him; we haven’t really had an argument about anything yet and I don’t want him to think I’ve overreacted. But I guess it’s the downside of talking to someone consistently and then not hearing them for an unheard amount of time. Especially when there's a bit of distance involved.
“I’m fine, Weslyn. I promise. I just had some things to handle today.”
I feel disappointed. There is no urgency in his tone. And I almost feel as if there’s no remorse for worrying me either and it makes me feel a little concerned about our relationship.
“Okay then,” I respond, feeling a little rejected. But I’m not really sure what else to say and I don’t want to get upset with him, seeing as I’ve already had a pretty chaotic day. “Well, I’m glad to hear you’re fine,” I add, hating the way the silence feels.
“How was your day?” he asks and I’m hopeful that maybe nothing is wrong and I’m just moping because I miss him. He sounds rather normal other than his lack of awareness for my concern.
Part of me wants to hold back a little because of how distant this moment feels, but I decide that I’m going to be honest with him instead.
“To be honest, Kyran.” I sigh. “I missed you. I was scared something was wrong or something had happened to you. Or that you just randomly decided to stop talking to me for some reason. And I had the worst day today. I spilled my coffee, failed my test, was late to my lecture, and my head has been anywhere other than here.”
Everything comes falling out of my mouth, rapidly revealing to him just how much not having him talk to me today has impacted me. And I worry his reception might not be what I’m used to. He’s always been reassuring and validating. But what if something did happen and his feelings have changed? Is this distance really something I’m going to be able to handle if this happens again?
“I have to be honest, Weslyn.”
