Then she disappears into the house, leaving me out on the front porch with Sawyer.
He stops a few feet from me. His expression is somber. His eyes are sad. “I guess I should have called first. Given everything… But… Being at my parents was fine. I missed them, of course. But I thought… I thought you would understand. What it was like.”
Shit.
“I’m sorry,” I manage through a thickening throat. “I thought… I hated you. For what I thought you did.”
“I don’t blame you,” he replies. “I would have too.”
“But four years…”
“I know.” He sighs. “It’s hard being out. Even though I wanted it more than anything.”
“Sawyer.” My eyes sting. “I missed you.”
He swallows hard. “I missed you, too.”
“Can you forgive me for thinking the worst?”
“Alec.” He takes another step towards me. “Of course.”
“Would you…” I glance at the tree and the deer and his car parked behind mine. “Do you want to come inside? Have lunch?”
“I don’t want to intrude,” he says. “It looks like you guys were about to do some Christmassy stuff. And?—”
“It can wait.” I clap his shoulder and drag him into a rough hug. “Come in. Stay for a while. Get to know Hazel better.”
He smiles. “She’s the one, huh? After all this time?”
I nod and smile back at him. “Yeah. She is.”
CHAPTER 19
HAZEL
There are stilltimes when I think I must be living in a dream.
Like tonight, crowded on one of the couches in Enzo and Winter’s living room with Alec squished next to me, his arm looped around my shoulder and his thigh flush against mine. Every so often, we’ll exchange a tender kiss or a soft look that reminds me of how lucky I am. Of how, if this is a dream, I never want to wake up from it.
All it takes is a glance around the room to emphasize how different this Christmas Eve is from the last.
Rather than spending the evening alone, I’m surrounded by friends.
Instead of looking at the tiny tree I used to put up out of obligation, my eyes are drawn to the giant pinestanding tall in the corner of the room, resplendent with hundreds of lights and gleaming bulbs in a rainbow of colors.
Last year, I spent Christmas Eve playingTenebris Veilwhile a fake fire played on the TV. In contrast, this year a fire crackles cheerfully in the fireplace, catching sparks and giving off a comforting, earthy scent that blends with the cinnamon-scented diffuser Winter set on the mantle.
Beneath the tree, dozens of packages sit waiting—not just for Winter and Enzo to unwrap together tomorrow morning, but for tonight as part of the official Green Mountain Guardians Christmas Eve gift exchange.
Last year, I couldn’t bring myself to admit how lonely I was.
This year, I’m the furthest thing from it.
I have Alec. I have friends who are quickly becoming like sisters and brothers. I have plans for the holiday, rather than spending the empty hours waiting for Christmas to be over. I have my own tree—orourtree, I should say—waiting back at home, with plenty of gifts set around it.
I have traditions again, like eating mountains of cookies while watchingElfand taking the snowmobile tour through Santa’s Wonderland on Max’s property.
Oh, and sex by the tree. That might be my favorite tradition of all of them. With Alec’smuscles all golden and glowy from the lights casting over them and stars in his eyes as he gazes at me…
