I sigh. “It's okay.”
“No, it's not. You already know most of my history." Merci's fingers drum against his milkshake cup, quieter now. “And Zach, he struggles too.”
Merci looks like he’s about to say more, but the doors open and Professor Chen walks in.
I sit up quickly, fingers positioned over my keyboard, ready to type notes, to focus on philosophical arguments instead of the calendar counting down in my head.
While Professor Chen pulls up his slides, I open a new tab to check my email. Just need to keep my mind occupied.
I scan through the subject lines—library newsletter, pizza special, flu shot reminder. And one from the Bursar's Office.
Subject: Urgent - Scholarship Status
My stomach plummets. The fluorescent lights become too bright, too sharp. Everything in me screams not to open it. But I have to know.
So, I click.
Mr. Henneman,
This email is to notify you of a recent change to your student account. We regret to inform you that your athletic scholarship has been rescinded, effective immediately. Please contact our office as soon as possible to discuss alternative payment arrangements for your tuition and fees. Failure to resolve this matter within ten business days will result in the suspension of your enrollment.
Sincerely,
Crestwood University Bursar's Office
The screen blurs. I blink, but my vision doesn't clear. I try again, and this time, the tears overflow.
My scholarship.
It’s gone.
My chest locks up, throat too tight. I can't breathe. The room is closing in, the walls pressing down on me.
Why? Why is he doing this?
“Ryan? What's wrong?”
Merci sounds far away, like he’s underwater.
I slam my laptop shut, then shove it into my bag. The zipper catches, and I can’t get it unstuck.
Fuck it.
“Ryan—”
I run down the row. Something snags my foot, and I stumble, my knee hitting the ground. Mr. Chen calls my name, but I get up and keep running.
The door crashes against the wall as I burst through. The hallway’s empty, silent. I sprint toward the exit.
Don’t know where I’m going. Just need to get away.
I thought Connor cared about me. Thought I could finish college, get my degree, and build a life worth living. I even thought I could start going to therapy again. Maybe get better.
God, I’m so fucking stupid.
Mom would know what to do. Would fight for me. But she's gone. They're all gone.
And now, I'm losing everything else.
