He was relieved, but that wasn’t all he had on his chest. “Good. Now…why did it take so long to come to me? I mean…sure you called, and she messed with the phones, but…”
He watched Benson struggling. As much as he hated it, he loved he was struggling. It meant he was taking it seriously. “Honey, I put on a mask of self-confidence that I don’t always feel. I get hurt, just like you or anyone else . When you didn’t return calls, when you seemed to…to so completely blow me off, to chase you down seemed…”
“Desperate.”
“Yes. As desperate as I felt, I couldn’t show that. You must understand that, considering you didn’t chase me down.”
He was guilty of letting a third party take something from him that meant so much. “Touche. I agree.”
Pushing his plate to the side, Benson reached across the table to take both of Luka’s hands into his own, and his eyes pled. “I was stupid. I was scared and wounded. I hope you can forgive me for those things.”
“I have to. I was all those things too.”
“I’m sorry for that. I’d never hurt you, not for the world, Luka. I want…I want us to be strong and be able to get past obstacles that might break others apart. I want us to be better than we even think we can be. I want a relationship with you. I want you to be by my side through all life throws at me. And…and I want us both to eventually leave this city and have a quiet life. It’s my next dream. I seem to have gotten the others, like you.”
“Really? You’d want to leave your company?”
“Yes! I’ve told you that.”
He remembered, but he didn’t think Benson was being sincere. What he’d learned was that Benson was always sincere. “It’s just…maybe that’s why she came after me. Did she know you wanted that?”
“I’ve never been secretive about that. Never. I hate this rat race. I hate it. I hate being in meetings seven hours a day, and how even evenings out on the town had to double as business. I hate it all.” He took his hands from Luka and came to kneel next to Luka’s chair, setting one hand on Luka’s thigh. “I want a Sunday morning reading some trashy romance novel in bed with the love of my life. I want long walks among the trees. I want a dog to bug us to wake up early and feed them. And…if my partner wants it too, I’d love to have a houseful of kids that will never be touched with poverty like we were. They’ll do chores to get their allowances and give them five dollars for an A on their report cards.”
“All the things our classmates bragged about that we couldn’t have.”
Benson nodded and laughed a little. “God, didn’t you hate those kids that complained they didn’t get enough allowance?”
“Hated them and maybe even made some really sad voodoo dolls with their names written on them.”
Benson’s chuckle was a rush of relief and joy. “This is why I adore you.”
They kissed and soon the dinner was forgotten as Luka was on the floor with Benson and they were making out heavily, their hands clumsily working to undress the other man.
Luka yanked at Benson’s tie until he was choking the man, which made them both laugh before Benson took off his tie and Luka ripped open his shirt, sending expensive buttons flying. He laughed, as Benson did too, and Benson asked, “You’ve always wanted to do that, haven’t you?”
“I really have!”
They broke up laughing, both lying on their backs on the floor while Luka’s side ached with the laughter. He turned when he could breathe and said, “Bedroom. I hate floor sex, no matter how sexy it sounds, it actually isn’t very comfortable.”
“I love your mind.”
They got up, and as they hurried down the short hall to the lone bedroom in the apartment, their clothes were shed, and once in the bedroom, Benson pushed Luka onto the bed and finished undressing him. “You’re so fucking sexy, no matter where we’re making love.”
“Thanks. You’re not bad yourself.”
Luka was deep in his guilt, no matter the joy of making love with Benson, having him there, happy, dreaming of a future for them. He didn’t think about Benson’s feeling while Benson was away from him. When it hit him hard, he pulled Benson close and whispered, “I’m sorry that I didn’t think about you and your feelings.”
“Shhh, baby. It’s okay. We both messed up, but we’re not doing that again. I swear it.”
Luka felt tears stinging his eyes, but he blinked them away quickly, unwilling to let his night with Benson suffer from more regrets. They were together, and he didn’t think Benson would ever let anything change that.
A guarantee. As much as life can give, Benson’s word meant a lot.
When Benson was undressed, Luka drank him in, looking at every bit of him that the bed didn’t cover. Benson stood staring back, like they were both amazed they were there, together.
“Damn, Luka, you got more beautiful. Too damn skinny, but beautiful.”
It was true; he lost fifteen pounds during their time apart. “You lost a few yourself.”
