“I have had many names through the eons. Ishtar, Danu, Gaia—call me what you will.” She returned her gaze to the ceiling. The casual dismissal of a god.
“I… my magic—” I didn’t know why I was saying it. I couldn’t help myself. “—my magic is the same. The same as those flames,” I whispered.
Ishtar’s head whipped back down toward me. Her black eyes bored into mine—into my soul. As if she recognized something within me. Fury twisted on her beautiful, lethal face, and she stretched out her arms to me, sending those flames straight at me.
I awoke, then, screaming.
THREE DAYS
Ihalf expected Ciaran to be by my side when I awoke. But he wasn’t, and my screaming only alerted the empty walls of the tiny apartment. I didn’t have any idea what time it was, or even what day it was. My mouth was dry, my limbs aching from disuse. I had been asleep for a long while.
And my dream—or nightmare—was fleeting in the dim light of the apartment. The vast chamber of rock, the water, the magnificent and horrible creature I had encountered there. It slipped from my mind like water through my fingers. The harder I tried to grasp it, the faster it drained away. Like mist on a breeze. It was almost gone. But I could still see the blackness of her eyes. The golden tips of her wings. The flames she shot toward me. Danu. Gaia. Ishtar.
It was only a dream. Brought on by my experiences the past few days. By the legends that Rory had told me, of their sacred Goddess and her entombment in the underworld. Sure, it had felt visceral at the time. But I was here now, awake and alive in the real world. The bed beneath me was real. The way my head throbbed was real.
How long had I been asleep? Judging by the ache behind my eyes, it had been a very long while since my body last consumed anything caffeinated. First order of business: coffee.
As I made myself busy boiling water and measuring out coffee grounds in the little kitchen, my mind wandered back to what had taken place after I fled Ciaran’s bed.
Shame—oily, slippery shame—settled over me. It had all been my fault. The attack on the city wasmyfault. And I didn’t know how to make it right. I didn’t know if I could ever make it right. Where was Ciaran? No doubt busy trying to help repair the damage that had been done as the gendarmes stormed through the tunnels. Trying to help reassure the people that they were safe and that nothing like this would ever happen again. Telling them that no one would ever betray them like I had.
And as my head throbbed, a wave of nausea overcame me. Would they make me leave for what I had done?
The coffee was ready.I changed, brushed my teeth and washed my face, resolved to face whatever consequences awaited—after I had rid myself of this incessant headache. I was about to take the first sip of the blessed liquid when the trapdoor opened.
I was expecting Ciaran’s dark head to appear, but it was Elena’s chestnut waves that popped up above the ladder. I didn’t know whether to feel dismayed or relieved.
“Holy shit, you’re up!” Elena jumped in surprise when she saw me standing in the kitchen. “Fuck. I was just coming to check in. Are you okay?” She climbed up out of the trapdoor and sprinted over to me, crushing me in a tight embrace.
“I feel like I’ve been hit by a street tram,” I mumbled into Elena’s shoulder, breathing in her comforting scent, “but I’malive.” I wouldn’t be for long, though, if she didn’t let me get a sip of that coffee.
“Fucking hell, you scared us.” Elena squeezed tighter still. She was going to leave bruises.
“What do you mean?” I stepped out of her embrace and took a sip.Fuck me.I could feel it rushing through my veins, ushering me back to the land of the living.
“You were out for three days. We couldn’t wake you. Ciaran’s been beside himself. Well, we all were, really,” she explained. “Fuck. We were really worried.” Elena crushed me back into her again and I had to juggle the mug of coffee so it didn’t spill scalding liquid down her back.
Three days. I had been asleep for three days. Holy Goddess. I must have drained myself of every bit of magic I had. What had happened in the time that I’d been asleep?
“You’re not… angry with me?” I asked, voice small, trembling like a child in trouble.
“Why on earth would we be angry with you? Seraphina, you were attacked. Violated. Youkilledthe viscount. You saved the city. Everyone is ready to throw you a fucking parade.” Elena pulled back and appraised me, head to toe, as if checking to see if my faculties were intact.
“Elena, it was my fault the viscount was able to come down here in the first place. If I hadn’t lost my temper and gone into the city, none of this ever would have?—”
“Don’t you dare think that way. What the viscount did washischoice.Hetook control of your body. He forced you to do things you never would have done.Hedid that. Not you. Don’t you ever forget that. Don’t you ever blame yourself for that kind of violation.” Elena shook. Her words, and the way she was reacting—what kinds of horrors had happened in her past? It broke my heart all over again.
Tears of relief flooded my vision. She was right, of course. What the viscount had done to me wasn’t my fault. But it certainly felt like it was. Unfortunately now wasn’t the time to break down and cry. I needed to make things right. I had three lost days to catch up on. And I needed to find Ciaran.
“Where is he?” I asked, voice still low—my throat was raw from when I’d sang.
“He’s in the library, I think. He’s been working to help repair the city non-stop, but I think he’s trying to research if there was anything he could do to help you wake up,” Elena rushed to explain.
“What he did, Seraphina… he told us about it. With Carlotta. And everything else. He told us why you left.” She shifted her weight. “It’s bad, and I understand if it’s a deal-breaker… maybe it would be for me. We didn’t even know about it. He didn’t tell anyone what he did. But as his friend, I have to say this.” Her voice grew stronger.
“Elena—” I tried to interrupt but she held up a hand.
“It’s cliche as fuck… but I think you should forgive him. He’s intense and moody and doesn’t understand boundaries at all. But you make him happy. And I think he makes you happy too. So please. Give him a chance.” She gave a shrug. “I know. I told you. So fucking cliche.”
