“Goodbye, Mick,” I whisper and light the corner. The paper catches, and I drop it into the pit. The pages burn fast. I stand there staring at the remains for a long time, letting the moment wash over me. I clean up and lock the back door, and then I head home.
Chapter Fourteen
Everyone is here. Dad in the kitchen brewing coffee. Taylor breastfeeds Lindsay in the living room. Landon filling up her Yeti for her. Mom’s sitting at the dining room table next to where I ate breakfast, my cereal bowl cleaned up. Mom sits up at my appearance, and I hold her gaze.
“Can we talk?” I mouth. She nods and follows me into my bedroom.
“Look, sweetheart, I’m …” She trails off when I hold up my hand to stop her.
“Mikayla and I didn’t stop being friends because of some childish jealousy.”
Her eyebrows pinch, clearly confused by this unexpected statement. She’s sitting on the end of my mattress, but I’m too riddled with anxiety to sit down beside her.
“We stopped being friends because of Gabby, but not why you think.” I start pacing, and Mom’s frown deepens.
“Lily, what’s going on?”
“Gabby stole my diary. She read it and found out that Iwas confused. Casey wasn’t the first girl I had feelings for … Mikayla was.”
Mom doesn’t say anything, her face expressionless, as she looks at me. I stop pacing and cover my face with my hands.
“Gabby told Mikayla what she read.”
“Oh, sweetheart.” Mom stands. She holds her arms up to hug me but stops when I take a step back.
“That’swhy we stopped being friends. Mick could never look at me the same way after. She tried, but she was so weird with me. And then she stopped talking to me altogether and replaced me with Gabby.”
There’s a twitch in Mom’s jaw, and her expression hardens. I blink and it’s gone. Her face now soft and concerned. “I didn’t … How come you didn’t tell me? I always thought …”
“I didn’t—” My voice catches. My vision blurs with a fresh wave of tears. “Lily, you’re overreacting. Lily, you’re just paranoid. Lily, stop being so dramatic.”
“Oh, sweetheart.”
My lip trembles as the tears streak my cheeks. “How could I tell you when all of you blew me off when I called it—Icalledit!” I messily wipe my face with my palms. “And what if you all stopped looking at me the same way too? What if you all were weird with me?”
“You know we all love you,” Mom says. “That never changed.”
I groan. Here she goes. Just because they ended up being supportive and loving doesn’t erase the fear I had that they may not be. But, as always, I make things a bigger deal than they need to be.
“I know that now,” I say roughly. “I learned that at sixteen,but little thirteen-year-old me only ever heard how immature and dramatic I was. How could I know you all wouldn’t say it was no big deal she stole my diary? That I wasn’t just overreacting, and it wasmyfault Mikayla pushed me away?”
“You’re right,” Mom says, and I falter.
“What?”
“I’m so sorry, Lily. We weren’t fair to you. We did blow off your concerns, and it made it so you couldn’t trust us—confide in us—and I’m so very sorry for that. What Gabrielle did was despicable, and best believe I would have handled things had I known.”
I stare, momentarily knocked speechless.
“I didn’t know that’s what happened with Mikayla, and I’m very disappointed in her, if I’m honest. Her parents didn’t raise her to be that way.”
I shrug, because who knows if that’s actually true. We didn’t really talk about the LGBTQIA+ community when I was growing up. There was one visibly gay boy in Lucy’s grade, and the grown-ups discussed him in hushed whispers. Not knowing how they felt about being queer is a big reason I was so afraid to come out to them. And, sure, they became more outspoken as allies after I did come out, but I don’t know about Mikayla’s parents. I avoided them at all costs after everything went down.
“Sweetheart, you shouldn’t have had to go through that alone,” Mom says.
I wipe another tear away. “I didn’t. Emily and Casey know.”
Her breath catches, and she nods thoughtfully. “That’s good. I’m glad. But still, I wish I could have been there for you. That I could have done something.”
