“No, but it’s only a matter of time. She loves The Sweet Spot. She can’t just pack it up and move it to California.”
“Okay. But if she’s not asking you to move?—”
“She said she’s in love with me, Casey! That she wants a future with me and wants to tell everyone about us—she wants to tell mymom. The one person who won’t let off my throat about moving back, and I can’t.”
“Lily—”
“Ican’tlive here, Casey! Not with Mikayla and Gabby less than an hour away.”
“Ah,” Casey says knowingly. “It always comes back to them.”
I bristle. “Don’t say it like that.”
“Like what?” Casey asks. “Like this is something you always do? You keep everyone at arm’s length, and when someone gets too close, you push them away.”
“That’s not true.”
She levels me with one of her signature stern looks. “Lily, you know you’re one of my favorite people and I love you, but it’s true. You did it with me when we were teenagers. You did it to every woman you started to develop feelings for—always finding an excuse to end things before they can really start. You even keep Emily and your family at a distance.”
“Oh, come on! That’s not true.”
“Yeah? Then how come Emily still doesn’t know about you and Harlow? You told me Harlow was fine telling people when you made it official, but it was you who wanted more time. And how come you never told any of your family what really happened with Mikayla and Gabby?”
“That’s different.”
“How?” She sounds genuine like she truly doesn’t understand and wants me to explain it to her. But I’m not sure I know how.
I sigh. “Because it’s not their business.”
Casey looks off camera. Her eyebrows are pinched in thought, and she almost looks a little sad. But I don’t know how to put it into words. My family never once took my concerns over Gabby seriously. It’s easier to brush them off, calling me “immature” and “overdramatic,” when they don’t know the truth, but what if the details don’t change their opinion? What if they still think so little of me?
I think it’ll break me.
“Can I be honest?” Casey asks.
“You’ve been holding back so far?”
The corner of her mouth twitches. She licks her lips, mulling over thoughts, before carefully saying, “I think you’re scared if you let someone close to you, they’ll hurt you like Mikayla did. I think it was easy to be in a happy bubble with Harlow because there’s safety in the physical distance between you, and that it was a secret. But now that she wants to tell people and she said she’s in love with you, it all became very real for the first time, and that terrifies you, so you want to run.”
I tilt the camera up so she won’t see me wipe away the silent tears that are rolling down my cheeks. I leave my phone pointing at the roof as I cover my face with my hands, fingers pressing against my closed eyelids.
“I get it,” she says softly. “I was scared too, and I pushed Dakota away before we started dating. I could have lost her. It was only by dumb luck—and petty jealousy—that I didn’t. I think you have to decide if you’re willing to risk losing Harlow because you’re afraid she may hurt you like Mikayla did.”
I don’t say anything. I wipe away more tears, then hide my face in the crook of my elbow.
Casey and I sit in silence together. I’m not sure how long it’s been when she says, “I’m sorry, Lily, but I have to go. Are you okay? Do you need anything?”
I shake my head, then forget she can’t see me. “No,” I croak around my tears and curse myself.
“I can talk a little l?—”
“It’s fine, Case.” I wipe my snotty nose off on the sleeve of my T-shirt because I have nothing else.God, this is so embarrassing. I’ve taken unkempt and pitiful to an alarmingly high level.
“There’s a key under the frog statue along the back wall. You’re more than welcome to hide out at my place as long as you want. I think there’s some water in the fridge and some granola bars in the pantry if you haven’t had breakfast yet.”
I smile weakly. “Thank you, Casey.”
“Anytime,” she says. “I’ll text you later?”
