“No, no, it’s fine. I was dreaming about you, anyway,” she says, and I can hear a smile in her tone.
“Oh, yeah? About what?”
“I dunno, it’s all garbled now. I guess I just knew you were thinking about me. Is everything okay?”
I frown. The note of concern in her voice is like a knife to my heart. I’m supposed to be the big sister, the strong one. But right now…I feel the opposite.
“Kyla, I messed everything up.”
“What do you mean?” Her voice is alert now, like she’s all-in—ready to hear anything I have to dump on her. And before I can stop myself, the words are spilling out of me, unstoppable, until there’s nothing left to say. I tell her about Glen and his shitty reason for hiring me, and Molly showing up out of nowhere. I recount what happened on Mount Etna, and about wonderful Nolan with his smile like sunshine…and how I probably messed that up, too.
It all comes out. Everything that’s happened, everything I’ve felt, and when I’m done, I’m empty. Like I’ve dumped out a bucket of filthy water and am watching it sink into the ground at my feet.
“Oh, Chlo,” Kyla says, and I can feel the comfort in her voice halfway across the planet. “Hey—everything’s goingto be okay.”
The shame that’s been eating away at me for the last couple of hours suddenly feels sated by my sister’s words. I laugh quietly through new tears.
“What? What’s wrong?” Kyla asks.
“I’m supposed to be the one comforting you, not the other way around.”
“Since when?” she asks, and I wipe my damp eyes with the back of my hand.
“Since always.”
She hums in consideration, and there’s silence on the other end for a few beats.
“Maybe… But it shouldn’t be that way. Being a sister is a two-way street.”
“What do you mean?” I ask, brows pressing together as another long stretch of silence has me second-guessing whether the call has dropped.
“You never let me see these parts of you, or talk to me about what you’re going through. But…I don’t ask either, you know? I’ve let you take care ofeverythingfor so long, and it’s only been over the last three weeks while you’ve been gone that I’ve realized how heavy that must have been for you.”
I’m taken aback by her words. I’ve kept the rawest pieces of myself hidden for so long because I’ve never wanted Kyla to feel like she doesn’t have someone who will be there for her, no matter what, like I know Mom would have. I didn’t want her to feel like she was missing out on having a mother. So, I tried to just…become one, instead.
“Kyla, I?—”
“No, no. Wait. L-Let me finish,” There’s a nervousness to her words that makes my chest tighten, but I keep my mouth shut and let her continue. “I didn’t know Mom. But I have an idea of who she is just based on how you and Dad talked about her. I think she’d be really proud of the person you are, Chloe. But I also think she’d want you to let me struggle a little bit, to figure things out on my own.”
I chuckle softly, because she’s right. If I really think about it, Mom—endlessly optimistic Mom—would tell me to relax, that things always work out like they’re supposed to. And the harder I tried to be Mom, I think maybe…the less like her I became. She had never shied away from being her true self or from showing the messiest parts of her heart. She could apologize when she was wrong and laugh at her own mistakes. Her strength was in her vulnerability. I don’t know why I thought my strength should be measured by the walls I built around myself.
“I should have been a better sister,” Kyla continues, when I don’t respond. “And I’m sorry for that. I should have tried harder to make you feel heard, and important, and taken care of, too. But I’m going to be better. I promise. Starting with helping you solve your missing persons case.”
“You have a plan for finding a woman, with no electronic devices or wallet on her, who has disappeared into the Sicilian countryside?”
“Okay, well, first of all—do youwantto fix this?”
I pause for a second, completely baffled.
“What do you mean? I have to.”
“Why?” she asks earnestly. I shake my head, somewhat annoyed. For someone so keen on taking care of herself for once, she seems to pretty quickly forget things likerentandbills, and how they need to be paid withmoneyearned from apaycheck.
“Uhhh, so I don’t get fired and lose out on the next few weeks of pay? So we don’t get kicked out of our apartment? So I don’t have to resort to filming even more promo videos forToned by Tony?”
There’s a deep sigh on the other end of the line.
“Okay. So, we areabsolutelygoing to address the Tony thing later, because…wow. But just tell me, hypothetically—if we didn’t have to worry about rent, would you still want to fix this situation?”
