Jasmine
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Laura, our admin assistant, who’s been one of my best friends since we both started work here a couple of years ago, crinkles her brow as I grip the edge of the counter in the small office kitchen.
I drop the spoon, which I’d just picked up off the floor, into the sink. “I’m fine,” I lie. “I just stood up too quickly, that’s all.”
“Maybe you should go see the doctor. That’s the second time this week you’ve gone dizzy.”
I push myself upright, refusing to acknowledge the wave of nausea that rolls through my stomach. It’s been more than twice, but I’m not about to tell her that. “It’s nothing. I’ve missed breakfast a couple of times, that’s all.”Of course, that’s all it is.
We stare at each other. She knows all about Ty, and I haven’t fooled her for a second. I wipe my clammy palm against my skirt.I’m still messed up over breaking up with him.That’s the only reason why I’m feeling so shitty. It’s only been three weeks since I left him, and every time I close my eyes his final words echo through my mind.Don’t go.
God, I miss him. And now this…
“Jas.” Her voice drops. “You need to find out for sure.”
Like I don’t know that. “I will. This weekend.”
She pulls something from her purse and hands it to me. “Do it now.”
“Jesus, Laura.” I glance over my shoulder, but we’re still the only ones in the kitchen. I shove the small box into my pocket, where it burns me like acid. “I’m not doing a pregnancy test at work.”
“Yes, you are.”
“Look, we only didn’t use protectionone time. And even then, it was only for a matter of seconds.” I don’t know why I’m telling her that. I’m not stupid. I know it could be possible. But what are thechances? “Anyway, it only happened four weeks ago. That’s far too early to tell.”
No, it isn’t.
“I’m not going to argue with you, Jas. Go do the test, and then we’ll talk.”
Another colleague strolls into the kitchen, and for a few moments we chat about our latest cases, but my mind’s not on our conversation.
What if I’m pregnant?It’s been my constant thought for the last few days, even though I can easily rationalize all my so-called symptoms. So what if I’m permanently exhausted and have the infuriating urge to cry every night? And sure, so my period’s a little late, but it’s always been erratic.
It’s because I was dumb enough to fall in love with Ty again. It’s got nothing to do with the production of pregnancy hormones.
I manage to escape and lock myself in the bathroom. It’s hard not to remember back to over ten years ago, when I was in this exact same position. Except then, Ty was right by my side, and we read the result together.
I let out a ragged breath and open the box. All I have to do is pee on the stick and the result will change my life, one way or the other, forever.
Three minutes. I grip the stick and try not to think about anything, but that’s a non-starter. I haven’t heard from Ty since I left L.A. Did I really expect to? I guess I could’ve texted him first, but what would I say?
I’m sorry I can’t live in your world.Maybe I’d fit in with the younger members of the Bastards and their old ladies, but there’s so much more to it than that. So much I could never tell him, and that’s no way to share our lives together.
Two pink lines. My grip on the stick tightens, and I lean against the wall, my heart banging against my ribs.Take the second test, just to be sure.
I don’t move. It’s like I’m frozen. There’s no need to take the second test. Deep in my heart I’ve known the truth for almost a week.
I’m having a baby.I squeeze my eyes shut. It’s too big, too much to take in, but at the same time a fierce, protective wave rushes through me. I might not be ready for a baby, but I want this more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life.
As much as I still want Ty.
I need to tell him.My stomach pitches, and I’m not sure whether it’s because of my crazy hormones or because I now have a rock-solid reason to contact him. I’ve no idea how he’ll take the news, but I know one thing for sure.
He won’t stand for being an absent father.
…
Ty
