I forget about the cameras. Is she really going to make me beg, for Chrissakes? “Grace, I’m here. Doesn’t that tell you anything?”
She bites her lip, and for a second she looks so vulnerable I think I’ve won. I reach for her, and she goes rigid.
“No, it doesn’t. Why don’t you try spelling it out for me? That’d help.”
I exhale a long breath. On the ride over I had plenty of time to think about how this confrontation would go. It ranged from her setting the guard dogs on me, to her falling into my arms, but at no point did the possibility of me having to explain my actions raise its ugly head.
The only ones I explain myself to are my president and my brothers. If Grace wants me, then she has to forget about everything I said in the kitchen. She must know I didn’t mean it.
Except she isn’t the one who chased after me. I can tell myself anything, but the truth is I don’t know what she wants. And until I tell her the real reason why I’m here, she’s not going to give me an inch.
It’d be so much easier to turn around and get back on my bike. I’ll never have to see her again. Never have to risk telling her things I don’t even understand myself. I’ll never be short of girls wanting to screw me, but not one of them will bake me cupcakes, or spend hours crafting tiny Viking decorations.
None of them will ever be Grace. And she’s the only one I want.
“I’m sorry.” Fuck, that hurts. I glare at her, and she’s frowning, as though she has no idea what I’m talking about.
“What did you say?”
Screw that. She knows exactly what I’m talking about. I take a deep breath. I’ve said it once and it didn’t kill me. The second time’s sure to be easier.
“I’m sorry for being a dick.” It isn’t easier. This is agony. “The only reason I came here today is because I wanted to ask you to—” The words stick in my throat and I cough, but it doesn’t help.
“Ask me what?” She’s still frowning but she’s not giving off the same angry vibes she was a minute ago.
I grab her hand, and although she doesn’t grasp my fingers, at least she doesn’t pull away. That’s got to be a good sign.
“Forgive me. All that shit I said… I didn’t mean to hurt you.” The earth doesn’t crack open and the sky doesn’t explode, but there’s a crushing weight on my chest and my head’s pounding. Is any chick worth this kind of grief?
Grace’s fingers tighten around mine, and when I see her lip wobble I know my degradation is worth every torturous second if it means she’ll come back to me.
“I can only guess how much that cost you.” She gives a small smile and then sniffs. “I sure saw a different side to you back in your kitchen.”
She hasn’t backed away, but she hasn’t forgiven me. What happens if she can’t? I spent most of the last couple of days in a drunken stupor which dulled my brain, but I’m stone cold sober now. And finally I face the one thought I’ve been avoiding ever since I made the decision to come here.
What will I do if she won’t take me back?
I’ll always have my brothers and my club. I’ll always have the respect and fear from my community that goes along with being a Bastard. None of that’s going to change, whatever happens here today.
But none of it will mean everything, the way it always used to, if Grace walks away. Deep inside my chest there’s a hollow pain, and it takes a second before I face the stark, terrifying truth.
I love her.
“Fuck, Grace.” My voice is hoarse, and she doesn’t seem to care that I’m crushing her fingers. If I let go, she might never let me touch her again. “That’s not who I am. Not who I am withyou.”
“I don’t want you to bedifferentwith me.”
That’s not what I mean. I don’t know how to tell her what I mean.
“You—” I choke on words I can’t find, and couldn’t say even if I did. “Shit, this is hard. I pushed you away because I was fucked up over the thought of you getting back with your ex. That your family’ll never accept me the way they did him. That you’re too fucking good for me and everyone knows it.”
Ah, hell. Looks like I found the words after all. Now is a good time to die.
She’s looking at me as though she’s never seen me before, and for the first time in my life I want the earth to open and swallow me whole.
“You’ve never had any cause to be jealous of Russell.” She presses her free hand against my heart. “Our families will either accept us or they won’t. There’s nothing we can do about that. And…” She hesitates, a strange expression on her face. “You’re the one who’s been good for me, Zach. You made me stand up for what I really want.”
This isn’t going too badly considering I just ripped open my chest and laid my heart at her feet. “You willing to forgive and forget?”
