She didn’t cut and run. She might not have fallen all over my suggestion to stay for Thanksgiving, but she didn’t want to be finished with me.
No, she wanted me to spend Thanksgiving with her family, even after that godawful meeting with her mother and ex. It was just her beingnice,and I’m not used tonice, so like a total prick I told her it was over.
Just because I didn’t want to admit to her that I needed her this week. Needed hertoday. Because I didn’t want to be alone, didn’t want to get blind drunk and have meaningless sex, not after being with her and seeing how different everything could be. And I wanted all that on my terms, because the minute I step into her world this crazy thing between us can go nowhere but to hell. She must know for us to work she needs to be withme. I don’t need more shit like Sunday morning.
I don’t do relationships, even though this thing I had with her is the closest I’ve ever come to one. Fuck that, I knew what we had, I just didn’t want to label it. The same way I’m so fucking hard I don’t need to compromise for anyone, as long as I get my way.
Yeah, I got what I wanted all right. My freedom, the last word, and I lost the only woman who’s ever meant anything to me.
No way am I sharing that with my brother. He’d have me committed.
“You’re wrong,” I tell him, but my voice is hollow and it’s obvious he doesn’t believe me. He doesn’t push it any further, though. Instead he goes into the kitchen and makes…
Black coffee.
Chapter Sixteen
Grace
In my old bedroom at my parents’ house I take a deep breath, and tug on the sleeve of my emerald green dress so it covers my tattoo. Half of our extended family is already here, and the rest will be arriving within minutes for our usual Thanksgiving get-together, but the thought of going downstairs and acting like everything is great churns my stomach.
Everythingisn’tgreat, and I was so tempted to not show up today, but the fallout from that act of rebellion isn’t even worth thinking about. Besides, the only place I really want to be is with Zach, and that isn’t even an option.
Charity strolls into the room, her hair piled on top of her head, wearing a red and black silk sheath that’s absolutely gorgeous but will probably give our dad a heart attack. When I arrived home on Tuesday evening and told her it was over with Zach, she just got out alcoholic ice cream and a heap of chick flicks, and we spent the next thirty hours dissecting the entire ill-fated affair until we drove over here this morning.
Not once did she say “I told you so.”
“Guess what?” She puts her hands on her hips and raises her eyebrows.
“I’m not in the mood for twenty questions.”
“Russ just canceled.”
“Good.” At least that’s one less thorn in my side I’ll have to deal with today. “It’s a shame he didn’t cancel on Mom Sunday morning.” If he hadn’t turned up at our apartment, I’m sure things wouldn’t have escalated the way they did with Zach.
That’s true, but in my heart I know it doesn’t make much difference. All that happened was it forced Zach to tell me what he really thought and shattered my rose-colored delusion that I meant more to him thana good fuck.
I shiver and sit at the end of my elegant four-poster bed. Nothing much has changed in the room, despite me not living here for years, and I never really thought much about the fact both my sister and I had our own suite of rooms growing up. Not to mention the ocean views from our private balconies.
Zach’s entire apartment could fit in here. I’m not sure why that’s such a depressing thought except it underscores just how different we really are. I thought our backgrounds didn’t matter, but obviously whenever he called me “princess,” there was a lot more to it than a term of endearment, as I’d so naively imagined.
“Typical male.” Charity sits next to me and threads her fingers through mine. “Screws everything up and then does the right thing when it’s too late to matter.”
I squeeze her hand. I don’t know what I would’ve done without her over the last couple of days. When I broke up with Russell after four years together, it was simply a huge relief. I was only with Zach for a month and it’s like my entire existence imploded.
“It was never going to work between Zach and me. I just didn’t want to see it.”
She’s silent for a moment. “What would you do if he turned up, asking for a second chance?”
I give her a bitter smile. Although I told her almost everything that happened, I kept a couple of things back. Such as thegood fuckcomment because I can’t even think about that without wanting to shrivel into a mortified heap on the ground.
There’s no way he’d ever ask for another chance, even if it were something he wanted. Kat was right all along. He only ever wanted me for one thing, and the sooner I face that, the sooner I can start to get over him.
“If he turned up at the front door right now, I’d slam it in his face.”
…
Charity doesn’t leave my side as we do the prerequisite mingling before dinner, themed cocktails in hand. It’s never been a chore before because I love catching up with various cousins and relatives I haven’t seen in ages, but today I have to strangle the desperate urge to scream.
